I wish...

I wish...

I could be richer.
I can own a DSLR camera.
I can sing and dance without any hesitation.
I can get near to BIG BANG when they come to Singapore for Korean Pop Night Concert 2010.
I can lessen my mum's burden, in this case, earning money myself and able to pay for things that OTHERS are able to pay.
I can be courageous and ask someone to leave my life. FOR.EH.VER.
I can be stronger to ask people to respect others as well.
I can have the power to ask people to NOT be apathetic.

But I know, I can't.
Life is just so. Harsh.

Awake, thinking.

*This was supposed to be posted on 27th May 2010, but I forgot why did I not post it. So, posting it now, therefore the first few sentences are a little weird. Sorry for that!

It's going to 2 and I'm widely awake.
Firstly, I have no school in the morning.
Secondly, I'm not tired for god knows what reason.
I don't know why am I thinking this way, and I'm not trying to manipulate your thinking.
I'm just sharing my thoughts to you lovelies.

My health isn't really good nowadays, basically, it's asthma the one pestering me.
I've been wheezing for days, but I tried to stagger my breathing to make me feel better.
However, it's been 3 days and it's really irritating.
It's like, even now, I'm feeling out of breath.

Life is unpredictable, and life can be vulnerable too.
I may appear to be strong at times, but you never know when am I going to collapse.
I'm afraid once I collapsed, I might never be able to stand up or even regain consciousness.
I'm not kidding or taking this as a joke, it is that serious.

Though I've been scoring zero for my love life, I'm glad to know so many awesome friends.
They are like colour pencils, they brought colours to my plain life to make it interesting.
Falling for someone, hating someone, feeling miserable for someone, I've experienced them before.
Even though my life is like a Hong Kong drama, I'm still glad that God gave me this kind of life.
I do grow from those experiences, as I'm more stubborn than other people, I needed more experiences to change it.

I'm grateful to my mum, she brought me up painstakingly.
She's my angel, she's my everything.
I wouldn't want to end my life this soon as I've not repay her with ANYTHING yet.
She's still working hard to support me, to give me allowance.
I feel that I'm a failed daughter as I always bicker with her, making her angry and always disappoint her.
Whats more, I tend to fall sick easily when I was young, she has to work doubly hard to take care of me.
When I'm lying on the bed, unwell, she wouldn't be able to sleep and keep taking care of me.
But because of my character, I don't know how to express my love to her.
I'm ashamed of myself.

I don't post these because I want sympathy, I'm posting something from the bottom of my heart.
I really feel that life is short, vulnerable and unpredictable.

Help me will you? :D

Dear readers out there, I'm sorry that I'm unable to update this little blog of mine because I'm busy with my project work....

So...

PLEASE HELP ME DO A SURVEY YEAH? IT WON'T TAKE LONG!!

Here's the link : http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/SPK9S2D

Much appreciated! :D

When everything's done, I'll be back!

I promise, and sorry!

Thanks! :)

<3<3<3

A little note to share :)

Truthfully, I’ve lost myself in music to the point where I don’t have any interest in the rest of the world. People scold me saying, “You should also be aware of what’s going on in the world,” but I pay no attention. I use an iPhone but the only application I use is to send texts to my family members. I don’t go out on my free days because I don’t want to waste my energy for no reason. I want to use up all my energy in music. "
-- T.O.P

This is somehow like me, I've lost myself in music to the point where I don't have any interest in the rest of the world.
I do go out on my free day at times, but when I'm at home, what I'll usually do is to sing and sing.
Dance and piano is my sub-passion, but most the time, I'm caught singing by people around me.

Music gives me life, it's the only thing that gives me drive to carry on with life.
Of course, MUM is also my drive that keeps me going.
Her support for me never dies, and my love for her never dies too.
I may be rebellious at times, but I still love her.
I'm just lousy in speech and emotion management, I still love her.

Sorry for drifting from my topic, Music.
However, this is just something that I wanna share.
And I apologise for not blogging recently, school's reopened and my hectic schedule just doesn't give me time.
I hope you guys wait for me yeah?
I'll come back, when everything's back on track :)

With love, Benita <3

When I was bored...

These are a few pictures taken when I'm on the cruise on 5th June.
What for? It's a secret! :D
Anyway, I did a pretty light make up but I love it a lot!
One of my best attempts!
Okay, sounds so thick-skin, but yeah, it's better to build up some confidence so that we can lead a carefree and better life, RIGHT? xD
So, here's my pictures!
Sorry for the narcissistic spam, I'm not free at this moment, so wouldn't be able to update it nowadays.
Please do wait yeah? DON'T ABANDON MY BLOG! :'(

Heehee, sorry kinda hyper because I'm having headache.
LOL! Ironic!
Okay sorry! Cut the crap and here's the pictures! :)


ㅋㅋㅋ! I'm kissing the air!
Sorry for that weird face! 푸 하 하 하 하 하 하 !

I love my teeth here, it looks white and straight! No photoshop yeah! I'm not really good at it :D
Wuuuu! (T_T) GOTCHA! ^^
Here's my favourite take, I love everything here, including my mum's leg at the back! ㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎ!
Last picture here! My real lashes alright! :)
Sorry for the bad quality, my lashes aren't that little! :x
All right, got to go now!
You may laugh at it, love it, hate it, disgusted by it, WHATEVER! *sounds so RinOnTheRox*
Ha ha ha ha ha! BYE BYE! <3

I do believe in fairytale.

Dalang and Baozhu have been together for 3 years, they are as sweet as ever.
Though both families object this relationship, they overcome all obstacles and got together this far.
They believe that they are the one for each other, but they didn't say it.
Every anniversary, Baozhu's birthday, Dalang will always call and wish her through the phone when the clock strikes 12.
Dalang always plan unforgettable events for Baozhu whenever a special day reached.
He remembers the first time when they take a bus together.
First time doing project together.
First time holding hands.
First time protecting her and ended up got hurt.
First time hugging each other.
First time... Kissing. :)
So sweet of him, a perfect guy for Baozhu.

It seems like Baozhu hasn't been doing anything for Dalang, but in fact not.
She concerns about Dalang's health, helping him with chores when he falls sick.
When Dalang's in doubt, she'll do whatever she can to help.
Though she might be fierce and always hit him, she loves and cares for him most.
No one loves Dalang as deep as her.

Everything seems to calm and peaceful for this couple until something strikes.
Baozhu's mum forced Baozhu to go for a matchmaking session.
She wouldn't obey of course, she ran away from home.
She went to meet Dalang, and asked him to promise her that they will be together for a lifetime.
She's pending for an answer from him, looking at him, hoping to catch a glimpse of hope, but he looked down to the ground instead.
Not a word from him, not even an eye contact.
He seemed to have something in his mind.
She's disappointed from this reaction, she thought this would be the end of their relationship.
However, she smiled and acted as if nothing had happened.
They walked down the road, and had their sweet talk.

A week's passed, they met at the place where they first kissed.
Dalang knelt down to the ground, Baozhu was startled.
He took out a ring and asked her to marry him.
She asked why didn't he have any reaction when she asked him to be with her forever, and he answered, action speak louder than words.
He can promise her with words, but that doesn't mean anything.
He thinks an action is good enough to say yes, and he really wants to be with her, forever.
She's touched, and agreed to it.

This is so fairytale-like, isn't it?
Though I never believed in Santa Claus, but I love the story of Cinderella a lot.
It may be fictitious, but I always believe that there will be a Mr. Right waiting.
I believe if I work hard for what I want, I will eventually get it.
I believe.
I do believe.
I still believe.

At the age of 17, my love life is plain white.
Going out with boyfriend, yes.
Holding hands with boyfriend, no.
Needless to say for the rest of the list.
I do get into a relationship, once.
He's my first and last, till now.
We fell in love with each other for more than 2 years, less than 3.
Though it's a short period of time that we got together, I did enjoyed the moments we get together.
The memories seems so fine.
Ask me why we broke up? I have no idea what's wrong with me too.
I do get regret at times, but I guess this is the best way for us.
At least, we are good friends.

Now, I'm still pending, waiting for the right one to come.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to change, to improve, to be better, for myself and for him.
As for my crush, I'm not going to cling on him, I'll just stay by his side, helping him when he needs help in homework.
If he misses class, I'll help him take note with things going on in class.
Just this, it's enough.
I don't want people to say that I'm a cheap person, who clings onto a person who doesn't like me, be his maid or dog.
I'm just doing something that a friend normally does. :)
Despite all hardships, if nothing comes in the end, I don't regret.
At least, I've worked hard for it, once.
Right?

I do believe in fairytale, still.

TATTOO!

I've decided to do something absurd, simply because, I'm underage.
I shouldn't be posting this content, but I think I need to share this knowledge and my opinion to you guys.
So, people who are uninterested in my topic, I won't stop you from leaving. :)
The 'axe' is just at the top right hand corner of the browser, if you only have one tab in your browser.
Otherwise, just close your tab that is regarding my blog. :D
Much appreciated.

Yes, I'm only 17 this year, and I'm only legal to talk about it or even do it next year.
However, due to lack of topic, I've decided to touch on it.
Hope that you guys don't mind, but if some legal actions are going to take on me, I'm really speechless.

All right, back to the topic.
This is a piece of information I found on wikipedia, though it might not be 100% true as it can be moderated by anyone, but let's take a look:

A tattoo is a marking made by inserting dark, indelible ink into the dermis layer of the skin to change the pigment for decorative or other reasons. Tattoos on humans are a type of decorative body modification, while tattoos on animals are most commonly used for identification or branding. The term "tattoo" or from Tahiti, "Tatau" is first referenced by Joseph Banks, the naturalist aboard Cook's ship the "Endeavour" in 1769 where he mentions it in his journal. To paraphrase. he states, "I shall now mention the way they mark themselves indelibly, each of them is so marked by their humor or disposition".

Tattooing has been practiced for centuries worldwide. The Ainu, the indigenous people of Japan, traditionally wore facial tattoos. Today one can find Berbers of Tamazgha (North Africa), Māori of New Zealand, Arabic people in East-Turkey and Atayal of Taiwan with facial tattoos. Tattooing was widespread among Polynesian peoples and among certain tribal groups in the Taiwan, Philippines, Borneo, Mentawai Islands, Africa, North America, South America, Mesoamerica, Europe, Japan, Cambodia, New Zealand and Micronesia. Despite some taboos surrounding tattooing, the art continues to be popular in many parts of the world.

How true is it, I don't know, but one thing to note, a person with tattoo doesn't mean that person is a hooligan.
I've thought of having a tattoo or 2 when I'm 18, and almost everyone opposed me.
They claimed that having tattoo isn't good as it gives bad image, but it's just a taboo.
I've seen people making a big hoo-ha when they saw others having tattoo.
Set aside those with excessive amount of tattoos on their bodies, because this isn't acceptable to me, but what about those people with only 2 or 3?
I think it's just for beautifying, you might think I'm weird because I've been wanting to have tattoo since at the age of 8, but I think it isn't wrong.
As long as you uphold your integrity, you are living to your conscience, it's all right.
I really think so.
Just like this:

It's a photo taken last year, when I performed for YouthBox Star! Singing competition last year.
That's airbrush by the way and sorry for my expression, I'm just too engrossed into singing.
Okay, jokes aside.
See, do I look like a hooligan?
And that's the kind of tattoo I wanna get, not dragon, not phoenix, and definitely not doraemon. (L.O.L! )
It's just a body art, at least that's what I think.
I'm sorry to 'disappoint' you guys, but I really don't think having tattoo means bad.
I'm still thinking though, thinking what if I regret after doing?
What if when I grow old, my skin sags and the tattoo looks screwed?
A lot of questions in my head and I hope to get an answer before I really regret.
Hmm, see how it goes.

ANYWAY, my motive of talking about tattoo, is not wanting to discuss about whether to get a tattoo, what pattern do I want it to be.
However, I just hope that everyone can jump out from their conservative mindset.
It's the 21st century, we should be open-minded for somethings right?
We shouldn't misjudge a person due to their appearance, it hurts, really. :)
All right, got to go!
Goodbye!

Side note: This is another scheduled post :)
I'm recuperating from the exhaustion for MYE :D