Christmas eve.

It's Christmas eve, but I'm not exactly happy though.
Eyes puffed and swollen, I hate crying.
I hate quarreling and things that make me feel damn down and pissed.
I need courage,
I need strength,
I need smiles,
I need better emotional intelligences.
Santa, are you able to grant me these wishes?

I've flood myself with tears these few days and I can hardly breathe.
I've drown myself with sorrows and I can hardly hear.
I've pushed myself down the cliff and I can hardly survive.
But, I have to rebirth, stand up, and be stronger.
I need a strength, can I have it? :'(

I've been trying hard to put in 1000% effort in doing everything.
Though I've given up at times, but I managed to pull through at some.
I don't wish for more, I need strength, I need courage.
Please...