Disappearance

Blogger posting segment failed me, for weeks.
The tabs for editing fonts and stuff, just went disappear.
Just like how you did.
Paranoid again?
Think so.

Been telling myself not to think of you much, there are much more important things awaiting for me to accomplish.
However, I've been procrastinating, again.
Like I've told you before, happiness is my motivation to study.
I ain't happy, not at all.
Might not need to see you everyday, might not need to hear your voice everyday, but just a simple Short Message Service chats, I will feel at ease.
I am a potential procrastinator, and I am now showing people, especially my Mum, my talent.
I feel so bad, so remorseful, in letting her to see me not doing any good to myself.
I'm regretful, for replying those hurtful responses on my Plurk, saying that me and you is never possible.
Just because, I was so disappointed in you, and myself too.
However, I would not take it away, as words said can never be taken back.
What's done, cannot be undone.
I wished that time could turn back, just before I respond, I could think more and could have just wrote, nope, we are not together, just that.
By saying that we can be together, when lightning strikes and thunder sounds, a heavy storm starts immediately, is just me lying through my teeth, my eyes.
I really hoped that what I said really happen, but I know, it's impossible.
As, I am not a person who would compromise to everything, especially on things that I don't wanna mention.
You can tell me to do lots of things, and I would say okay.
However, the main issue that causes me and you in this present state, I just can't bring myself to compromise.
You don't force me, I thank you, but I am just landing in this miserable state that might make me not able to stand up anymore.

Why would I not touch on that, is because the belief and what I see, keeps rotating.
It kept happening, never stop.
I can say that, I love God, because God created almost everything, but mindset is the thing that keeps me unmovable.
There are too many things happening out there, that made me a free-thinker now.
I can say that I've seen the beauty side of human, and also the ugly side of human.
Religion, is a thing that I would not criticise or comment on, because everyone has their own choice.
They have their freedom to choose whatever religion they want to be in, we cannot say anything.
The worst thing, is to criticise other religion indirectly.
I always believed, good-ones will go to heaven, not only for the particular religion.
As, it doesn't always seem to be like what you think, you are saint-like.
Hell no, every people have different religion, and they are of good, bad or on faint line.
It doesn't always imply that all people from one religion will go to heaven, and others will go nowhere.
No such thing, seriously.
Who knows where would we go when we die, everyone will die one day.
We don't have any idea, we cannot say anything.
That's the reason why, I chose to disappear, from any religion.
I might find one one day, I might not.
We cannot predict what's going to happen when time passes.

What we can do, is react when things come.

If that's the way you treat me, as you said, a friend.
Then thanks, you've done a brilliant job.
Maybe, we just don't know how to appreciate each other, that's why we passed by each other unknowingly.
We did not notice each other importance of presence.
Disappear all you want, just want to tell you.
If you read my blog, I will be waiting for you to appear on the day we've said to celebrate your birthday.
Surprises will still go on, if you want me keep waiting, I'm fine with that.
I will just wait, at a place that I am going to email you.
I will wait till the next day, I gave my word with honour.
I will just wait...
Wait till you appear from your disappearance...