Post Christmas and Last Day of 2009

Haven't been blogging, I'm sorry.
I'm packed with lots of activities and I'm glad I have my friends around me :)

Anyway, I rotted at home on Christmas Day, because I have no one to hang out with.
I'm not bored though, because I have my computer and drama series to 'accompany' me.
Sounds kinda boring for some, but I'm completely fine with it.
I'm somehow a 宅女, ha! :D

26th December, POST CHRISTMAS SALES, and I went all the way to VivoCity and bought lots of stuff! :D
It's freaking cheap and I just can't resist the temptation.
Things are way too cheap, I love sales.
However, I'm not a typical Singaporean because I don't really go for freebies.
Opps, I think I'm gonna get bombed by people.
But, I'm stating the fact!
Anyway! Yeah, I love shopping :D

27th December, Post Christmas Celebration at Ray's house.
Met him at Orchard Ion at 4.30, supposedly meeting at 5, but I was late.
Sorry to have kept you waiting, but I'm not the latest!
LOL! This is crap though, because I'm still late.
Anyway, bought food and brought over to his house.
Me and Bro cabbed to Potong Pasir to have our rehearsal done.
I had my rehearsal ended earlier than Bro, but I reached Ray's house later than him as I took a train and he cabbed there.
Money waster!
Continue though, waited for our tardy queen, Rachael Chang!
She's always late and not an exception for the celebration. :x
Had our dinner and we had fun!
Gift exchange was really..., ass!
Wait for Bro's blog to be updated and you'll know why.
I was totally speechless regarding his gift, I feel like fainting.
Reached home 8 in the next morning. First time though! :D
Santa's answering to my wish! Heehee! :D

28th December, rotted at home in the afternoon as I went back to sleep right I changed and cleansed my face.
Night, went to class chalet.
Didn't do much things though, I just can't really clique easily with people.
My world seems kinda far from their worlds, but I still love my class though. :)
Amanda, Jerina, Shumin, Felicia, Darren and more, they never fail to make me smile and laugh.
Played blackjack and won about 60 cents?
Yeah, it's kinda lame I know, but we're still young right? :D
Went home at about 11 as I have work for the next day.

29th December, went to my uncle's place to help out.
I started work at 1pm, and ended at 9.30pm.
Tiring but I love the feeling when you worked hard for something and you get paid :)
I love money! :D but I love to spend them too.
Ha! :D:D:D
Cabbed back to class chalet and guess how much's my cab fare...
It's freaking $21.40!!!!
Alexandra road to Downtown East, wow.
No surcharge, no ERP, no nothing!
I hate taking cab, period.
But if I don't get back to class chalet on time, I don't get to see Mrs. Xie and Mrs. Henry.
I miss them though. :(
Anyway, shown lots of Jo Kwon's videos to Felicia and we were laughing like mad.
Kwon is such an entertainer, I love watching his videos when I'm sad. :D
Hope that he and Ga In stays in 'We Got Married' till the season ends :D
Home sweet home at 11 :D

30th December, yesterday :)
Went for final rehearsal at Khatib, the actual area.
Blah blah blah...
Went for Nuffnang Top Blogger End Of Year party, thanks bro :)
Sang for their some sort singing competition, 1st prize in a Canon Ixus Digital Camera.
I didn't win though, the bloggers wouldn't vote for me as they don't know who am I.
I'm not their friend either, so even if I sing very well, I won't win.
There are people in the world who will always help their friends.
That's why, people who can sing well, often get neglected and talents remain undiscovered.
And people who sings just barely passable, will get supported.
Realistic, practical and unfair this world is, but it's unchangeable too.
I've seen much, and I'm numbed.
Feeling-less. :)

Today, last day of 2009.
I'll do a recapitulation tomorrow though, I'm kinda running out of time.
Will be having a performance at Khatib's countdown party!
Last minute announcement though, but it's been long ever since I've performed in a very huge crowd.
For people who have forgotten how do I sound like, or wanna see how much I've changed in my singing style, or miss me singing ( LOL! So thick-skin! ), please do come down and give the performers your support!
It's located as the large grass field opposite Khatib MRT Station! :D:D
I'm excited, are you? :D:D:D:D:D

Okay, I'm kinda crazy, I'm somehow talking to air because I can't hear your replies!
So, if you want me to hear your replies, come down to Khatib, Yishun Avenue 2 to answer me! :D:D
Okay, I've got to go!
Goodbye everyone!
Bye 2009, I'll say hello to 2010 later! :D
Annyeong!

Christmas eve.

It's Christmas eve, but I'm not exactly happy though.
Eyes puffed and swollen, I hate crying.
I hate quarreling and things that make me feel damn down and pissed.
I need courage,
I need strength,
I need smiles,
I need better emotional intelligences.
Santa, are you able to grant me these wishes?

I've flood myself with tears these few days and I can hardly breathe.
I've drown myself with sorrows and I can hardly hear.
I've pushed myself down the cliff and I can hardly survive.
But, I have to rebirth, stand up, and be stronger.
I need a strength, can I have it? :'(

I've been trying hard to put in 1000% effort in doing everything.
Though I've given up at times, but I managed to pull through at some.
I don't wish for more, I need strength, I need courage.
Please...

Growing up.

I assume a lot of my readers would be able to guess who am I referring to regarding my furious blog post.
Oh well, I need to have a say.

I'm well protected, since young.
Mum always give me love, give me care, give me PROTECTION.
However, I do feel life, doesn't need THAT much of protection.
Through these years, I personally do feel that I have to grow up through experience and not protection.
If I am that protected, I won't be able
to see the world,
to grow my knowledge about the world,
to set up a barrier to protect myself from the ugly side of the world.

Everything has 2 sides, be it coin, human and the world.
If we often see things at the dark side, we might miss out the fun and bright side of life.
If we are always being protected, how would we know how good or bad the world could be.
We will never do, if we are always kept in the 'greenhouse', like some vulnerable plants.
Through experiences, we,
learn to be strong,
learn to be protective,
learn to be better.
I am never gonna learn if I am well kept, things just get worse because I know nothing.
I know nothing about the people,
I know nothing about the things going around,
I know nothing about the world,
I practically know NOTHING.

Well, hope everything gets better as time goes by.
Notebook's battery is dying, finding a socket to charge though.
Goodbye people. (wave)
Anyway, I'm at Queensway shopping centre's Mac now.
:)

生命光輝，無長久。

生命，
是如此的短暫，
是如此的脆弱，
是如此的不堪一擊。

我，
很累，
很無助，
很彷徨，
很脆弱，
很異想天開，
很。。。孤獨。

天氣，真的
很無常，
很多變，
很變幻莫測。

人，
真的是三心二意，
真的是居心叵測，
真的是識別人爲玩物。

人心，果然無法用測量計來衡量它的深度。
貪心，是每個人日常生活的作息。
妒心，是影響整個人的思緒的利害武器。
愛心，是人對於別人所發揮出來的苦口婆心。
良心，卻不是每個人能夠給予別人的愛心。

到底該怎樣克制人的七情六慾？
到底該怎樣克制人的膚淺心理？
到底該怎樣克制人的可惡思緒？
去你的。

生命光輝，無長久。
無法保留住的光輝，果真放不下。
可，強求無用。
命理有時終須有，命理無時莫強求。

生命~

Nothing much

I just feel like doing this post.
I feel bad.
I feel sorry.
I am sorry.

Sorry to people whom I've let down.
Sorry.
Well, sorry doesn't help for shit.
Yeah, goodbye.
Headache sucks though, hate crying for the sake of stupidity.
Bye.

Will only be back when I'm free as I'm not really feeling real well.
Have performance coming up.
Stay tune :)

Fuck it.

I've never thought of leaving you.
I've never ever thought of running away from home.
I've never thought of neglecting you.
However, no matter how much I did, you wouldn't want to trust my friends.
They do no harm to me, why restrict me?
I'm feeling very miserable.

I just wanna see much of the outside world, because I'm too protected.
I don't even know the names of pubs and clubs.
I can't even name much of the alcohol.
What do I know?
Shopping, songs, clothes and some stupid stuff.
WHAT DO I KNOW?

Said that I have turned bad.
In what way?
In what fucking way do you think that I've turned bad?
I don't smoke, I don't fool around with people, I don't do what bad girls did.
I admit that I do drink, but does that mean that I've turned bad?
Just being late home, and you started yelling at me, and forbade me to not hang out with my friends.
My friends are not incorrigible people, don't fucking judge them.

You should know that no one can influence me, unless me myself decides to get influenced by people.
What's more, I'm still me.
I have friends who smoke, but do I freaking smoke?
I have friends who've done things that are way too crossing the border, but do I?
What I want is freedom, and you claimed that you gave me much.
Yeah right.
If restricting me in hanging out my friends is what you meant by giving me freedom, thanks.
I think, I am not worthy for your care anymore.

I just need your trust.
I will still love you.
But, if you don't trust me, how do you think that I can love you as much as in the past?
I'm not being rebellious, but like what I've said to you before.
If you are going to restrict me any further, I can't guarantee that I can still be that 'good girl'.

Bear this in mind, I love you.
You are my closest in this world, do you think that I would leave you.
I won't.
So do give me trust, will you?
This will be my wish for this Christmas, Santa, can you grant me this wish? :'(
I really want to spend more time with my friends.
I know that I'm blessed to be protected and someone nagging around me, but I do know how to protect myself.
Though there are many people out there whom I don't know and I can't read their minds, but if I'm scared, I can just leave that place straightaway.
I'm a clear minded person, I do know how to see.
Trust me, will you?

Lack lack lack!

Oh gosh, I totally forgot the fact that I actually have a blog.
I've been practicing, singing and hanging out with my BFFs recently.
Was rather one of my best holidays ever spent :)
Everyday is a brand new day and I've spent it fruitfully.

2/9 '07's class chalet on Monday to Thursday ( 7/12/2009-10/12/2009 ).
Didn't stay throughout the entire thing as I have things to do during the afternoon.
It's literally EVERY afternoon, hell.
But, I enjoyed it as at least I didn't waste my time off. :)

Friday, my first performance with my band mates. :D
Our band name is GAGARARA! :D
Do find us in facebook and join our group yeah?
We've got Singapore's Brian McKnight, Imran! :D
Our cool guitarist, Martin! :D
Our Jazzy pretty vocalist, Emily! :D
And many more!!! ( I'm too tired to type all of their names out, check out on facebook! )
And of course, ME!
I'm a new member of the group, so I'm trying to gain experience with my band mates during performances.
Anyway, for people who went to White Tangerine Cafe to see this performance, I'm sorry about the sound system.
Hopefully, we can put up better performances as time goes by.

Yesterday, went to Ray's house to practice for today's performance.
Quite a special performance though, as Ray is playing his Viola when I'm singing.
Practiced and spent about an hour or two to memorize the lyrics of 'Love Story' by Taylor Swift.
Gosh, the lyrics are a nightmare, but when I'm able to memorize everything...
AWESOME! :D
Went home, and listened to the song till I fell asleep.

Today, woke up at 10 and was shocked by a text sent by Bro.
I feel like killing him, seriously.
But, anyway, back to topic.
Went to Ray's house and took him bag and Viola, took cab and pick him up at where he was.
Put on cosmetics at Kentucky Fried Chicken while Ray's eating.
Reported and tried out the sound system.
Waiting time was tiring, me and Ray almost fell asleep.
Performed, and was almost deafen by the speakers.
I can't hear myself, Ray too.
Bla bla bla~
Ate, and came home.

I'm just too tired to type out ANYTHING.
So, goodnight everyone!
Sorry for the lack of posting anyway, will try to make more time for blogging yeah?
Bye! :D

Boring!

Hey, Benita's back!
Okay, this isn't creating a loud bang, but, WHATEVER!
Ha!

Anyway, was quite reluctant to post, because I have completely no idea what to post.
Just recalled, went swimming with Ray at Tampines Swimming Complex yesterday.
It's been about 3 years since I went to swimming pool and about 5 years since I swam correctly.
I've forgotten everything.
Lucky to have Ray with me, or else, I'm up in heaven.
TOUCH WOOD!
However, I almost drowned due to my whatsoever swimming skills I claimed to have.
It's damn funny if anyone were to see me swimming.
What a joke!
Something happened that made us leave at 2 plus, or else, we might stay till 8.

Had lunch with him at Tampines 1's Manpuku Japanese Gourmet Town.
He snapped a photo of me eating, and he says it's cute.
=.= Thanks Ray. LOL!
Went to his house and Bro came and joined us.
Watched Power Ranger, wasn't very interested in the beginning.
Got kinda exciting near the end, but left his house without finish watching it.
Accompanied Bro for Dinner, and see him off to board a bus.
Went home and started wasting time.

Today supposed to go to Johor Bahru for Breakfast, but did not in the end.
Don't be shock, my mum and my mum's friend often enter M'sia for breakfast.
Anyway, I didn't go as my ankle hurts real badly.
I couldn't walk when I woke up, it just hurts.
Hope that after today, I'll be feel better as tomorrow's another swimming session.
I've got to train my swimming skills and enhance my Forced Vital Capacity.

Oh no, I've got nothing to say.
Never mind, shall go off now.
Goodbye everyone, what a boring post anyway.
LOL!

Forgetting

How long have I not been posting here?
I can't really remember and I'm tired to recall anything.
I can vaguely remember that I came from Genting with a pissed mood.
I can't stand people jumping queue, that's just so annoying.
Setting bad example in front of their children too.
Retarded assholes.

All right, relax Benita, it's none of your business even if they are becoming some scumbags or whatsoever. :D
I think I'm gonna post the photos real soon, I'm just lazy and reluctant in doing so these few days.

Anyway, back to yesterday, went to Ray's house for fondue.
Guess what?
Fondue became truffle, however, it's nice. :)
Junior, Ray's dog is cute too, so adorable and so obedient.
I want to keep a dog, but my mum just wouldn't allow, and the responsibility's too huge.
Fine, I shall wait.
Mum said that I'm free to do whatever I want when I'm 21.
So, if 2012 prophecy doesn't come, I'll just keep a dog.
Travel overseas with my friends.
Get myself a tattoo at the back.
And lots more.
Just wait :)

Just cried, like finally.
So what if I'm ugly, short and fat?
It's nothing got to do with anyone.
It's my life, it's me, and I've got to like myself more.
I realised, I'm back to square one.
No confidence, no courage.
What the hell.
Whatever.
Bye.

Dying~

When boredom strikes, it means that I'm dying.
TOUCH WOOD!!!
Ha ha!

Oh well, not feeling real great for no reason.
Just, a sudden depress.
Ray gave me a good suggestion, and I'm trying my very best to do it.
I'm so going to forget a lot of things when I'm in Genting.
Hope that I'm going to have fun there and buy lots of chocolate. :D

Okay, a lot of people know that I don't like chocolate and I don't eat them 2 years ago.
HOWEVER, I'm craving for it.
I'm craving more for fondue though. :D
Can't wait to cook, am so going to poison Bro with my food. :x

All right, I'm just trying to be happy, but it seems no help.
So, I shall just go off and continue packing my room.
Goodbye people!

Prom night.

Just came back from prom, wasn't that fun as expected.
Videos were well made and stuff, but I just couldn't join in the fun they were enjoying.
It's very boring when no one wanna dance with me.
Everyone's busy taking pictures.
Oh yeah, talking about taking pictures, I'm SMART enough to have not put in memory card in my camera.
Great, brought camera that can't save any pictures. =.=

I'm waiting for the pictures to be tagged to me on facebook, so that I can save it and post them.
So meanwhile, no pictures.
Sorry. :(

Well well, I can't go out tomorrow and on Sunday.
Thanks to mum, she wants me to pack my room before I can go out for next week.
I feel like running away, but I can't bear to.
So, gotta bear with it and no fondue session with Ray and Bro. :(:(:(:(:(
Fine, I shall think things at better ways.
After coming back from Genting, I'm going to hang out with a lot of people!
I'll be going to Genting on 24th to 26th of November, which is next Tuesday to Thursday.
So, do miss me yeah? :D
Darn, illness acting up again!
Who will miss me though? Ha!

All right, that will be it for today, nothing to post though.
Goodnight everyone! :D

??!!

Why this feeling?
I feel weird.
I feel unsafe.
I feel insecure.
I feel disturbed.
I feel like having someone to love.
However, it's hard to find one.
Well, it's okay, should get used to it already.
Why?
Everyone is practical and realistic. :D
I am one too. Ha.

Anyway, just came back from Grandma's birthday celebration.
Was rather pissed off by my little cousins.
Shall calm down, they are still young though.
However, Ray made my day!
Oh gosh! I'm so going to love him!
LOL! Keep it a secret.
Shh~ :)

Anyway, pictures for today! :D


Grandma, I LOVE YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :D

Grandpa, grandma and 2 irritating Adorable Cousins! :D

She's more vain than me, my cousin- Rinns.
That's all for today, other pictures a bit screwed, trying to photoshop it :D
Goodbye everyone! :D

KUDOS!

Reached home at 12, again!
Benita's gone bad, real bad! Ha ha!
It's been like this ever since I started hanging out with Bro and Ray.
Mum isn't really happy about it, however, she's glad that I never failed to reach home safely.

Back to yesterday, met up with Bro first, waited for B.
That rich guy, went to TOPSHOP and TOPMAN to do whatever it's called.
B came, and we went to find her.
Kinda bored in the beginning, but the real fun starts when Ray came!
Went to buy tickets for 2012, 7 in total ( including B's friends ).
As we have about an hour plus time before the start of the movie, we went to Xin Wang Hong Kong Cafe to eat.
It's like a usual procedure for us to eat at when we are in Cineleisure.
Cam-whore-d and stuff, I'm the only one eating main course, they ate Red Bean Ice. :)

Movie started, was a little bit draggy at the beginning.
HOWEVER, it started to be so exciting at the middle and the end.
I'm grabbing B's hand almost all the time, my heart almost jumped out while watched the movie.
Exaggerating but yeah, it's pretty.... GOSH! I can't think of the best word to describe.
All right, going on.
Played the game that I've been playing ever since I knew Ray.
3rd time in total for now, I believe I'll still play the game when I see him.
Pretty fun though, Ray's a nice person :D
Anyway, he's my senior, guess he graduated before I enter the school.

Went to his house, but before that, went to Newton Circle to pack food.
That's when the 2nd time of the game starts.
HOT CAUCASIAN!!! Damn!
B, you know what I mean huh? :D

Went Ray's house, watched them finish eating as I was not hungry, and THE FUN STARTS!
Took videos of the adultery scenes and whatever!
Damn fun, it's especially funny as Ray is a quick thinker, Bro was dumbstruck!
Played Truth Or Dare too, all contents were kept as secrets :x
Bro was traumatised, he's so funny and cute (?).

Left Ray's house soon after the game ended as mum is asking me to go home.
Boarded the bus, which gives me long and boring ride all the time, home and on the way, I text-ed Bro.
He's still traumatised and I have to sing to him.
Well, I offered that and of course he wants to hear me sing.
I sang a song and that song was stuck in his brain.
Scary, but that's what happened to almost everyone I know.

DIGRESS... DIGRESS...

Reached home, and was affected by the movie, I told my mum 'I Love You' 3 times.
Cherish whatever you have now, if 2012 is really true.
Don't be naive and stubborn to think that this is a scam as everyone is not really doing their part to safe their homes.
This is the price that we have to pay for not cherishing our homelands.
Start saving the Earth now, it's not a scam if we don't.
Don't think that I'm crazy or what, but an advice, don't take things for granted.
Understand, SAMONIM?

Shall post up the photos which were taken these few days soon.
I realised that I've met up with Ray for 4 times in 7 days.
Meeting up with him on Saturday for Fondue and Sunday for Singing Lesson ( Because of Bro ).
THIS IS CRAZY!!!
However, there's always fun and laughter with him :D
Adding on, he's a mirror image of me, except that he's the English Version of me.
Laughs!

All right, got to go.
Water supply's been cut due to changing of water pipes by the construction worker and only top most 2 level of the building been affected.
WHAT THE...!!!
Fine, it's my fate, accept it!
Ha!
Okay, goodbye and good morning everyone! :D

Misses~

Met up with Rachael B and Benjamin Bro yesterday.
Met up with latter first, to have our singing lesson.
Shall not elaborate more, it was drastic!
Was helping bro to train his exam's songs and ended up a laughing session of me and Raymond ( Bro's BFF ).
A tips for people who cannot pitch well, listen to the song for at least 100 times to familiarize the flow of the tune.
Record it down to hear if you went off tune or pitch, and try to listen to the flow of entire sentence again.
This is what I told Bro, because, oh well, shouldn't say much. :D

Then me, Ray, Bro and KR went to Far East to have our lunch at Ramen Ten.
I'm sorry but the chawanmushi was not up to standard.
Sushi was all right but the teriyaki chicken tasted like Ba Kua.
Lame-ness, but yeah.
We waited long for the food, and the waiter was kinda shy (?), I don't know about it.
Bla Bla Bla... B CAME!
It's been a long time since I last saw her, still as pretty as ever.
And what happened to me?
I've became more and more haggard, became fatter and still not growing tall.
Bloody hell (*&@#$%^(*&!!!!

Anyway, slacked around at Cineleisure, because we planned to watch 2012 but full house.
So yeah, slacked around and chatted lots.
Cam whore-d at the void deck, took lots of photos but I can't seem to upload to my laptop.
Wonder what's wrong with my USB port...
Yeah, anyway, roamed around Orchard and MR. BENJAMIN KHOH is free enough to bring us to Zara and try some new style of outfits.
When I am trying, I just feel a flock of crows flew pass me.
Lame! All right, TOO MANY THINGS TO BLOG ABOUT!

Don't feel like saying much, but I reached home at 12!
It's considered the first time I'm reaching home this late(?)
I forgot but it was a fun day! :D
Meeting up with Jeslyn Darling to Plaza Singapura and meeting Bro (again!) at Dhoby Ghaut for Christmas Carol's Premiere.
So, better get prepared!
Goodbye! :D

:D

Just a random one, it strikes me when I'm wide awake.
I WANT THAT PURPLE GUITAR WHICH JUST COST $139!
It's freaking cheap, however, I have to save till a certain amount because I have to buy some other expensive stuff too.

There's a lot, really.
Trust me, they are not cheap and I have to WORK!!!!
Ha ha! Any work to intro?
I feel like trying to sing at pub for TGIF :D
Shall take a look at it :D

All right, I gotta go!
Going out soon for some stupid stuff which I am not interested in it.
RAWR! Mum dragged me :(
So, goodbye!

Round of applause.

Firstly, give BENITA a round of applause because she blogged!
All right, this was lame.
Back to topic, I am giving you a round of applause!
YES, YOU!

I pity you, you poor bastard.
You are such a pitiful bastard that don't worth me pitying.
Oh well, I'm glad that you are out of my life. :D
You are incredibly disgusting.
Ha! Don't understand?
Oh well, think of what you did.
:D
I wasn't able to be as bastard as you, you are so good!
WOW! You've won, 10 OUT OF 10!

Sorry, I'm just venting my anger.
If YOU know who are YOU, good for you.
Anyway, I really hope that you know who are you, because you MIGHT reflect and not hurt other girls.
You asked if I hate you, I treat it as if I don't understand what are you asking.
However in my heart, I got an O.S in my heart, I HATED YOU TO THE CORE. :D
I want to thank you too, you should know what you thought me yeah? :D

Goodbye, bastard.
Go back to your pitiful world, I will pray for you, for a rebirth.
Ha!

WOO! Felt better :D
Was just venting, because I really need to spit it out or I will go crazy.
Though I had no feelings now, but I do feel angry for all the past lies made.
Well, forget it.
Shall have a sleep and so, goodnight :D

EDITED:
This post is for one of my family members :D
Don't guess much, not good for you to know :)

Hello My Friend :D

Freedom, my new friend, has came to find me at 1500 sharp.
Glad to know him, and because of him, I realised that...
LIFE!
IS!
SO!
WONDERFUL!
Oh yes, Life is wonderful! :D

However, I am not going to update more about my life today, because today isn't a thrilling and exciting day though.
Boring, and past few days were too.
So, I maybe updating tomorrow, because I am working!

I am helping at my uncle's shop at Queensway shopping centre located near Alexandra Road.
So, anyone wants to make new spectacles or buy contact lenses, feel free to patronise :D
It's 100% guarantee that the price is reasonable.
All my coloured and daily lenses are from my uncle, and I didn't have once having swollen.
I had once is not because of the lenses, but because of me.
Laughs!
So, yeah, feel free to visit yeah? :D
Thanks a lot! :D

So, goodbye everyone!
Have a nice and sweet dream :D

So yesterday

It's like, the 6th of November today.
3 more papers left for me, and I am gaining freedom soon.
However, I don't really feel much anxiety in me.
I feel regretful.

I've been wondering, have I really been putting effort for this.
Answer is... not really.
I do study, however it's not enough.
All right, stop the 'enough' crap, but really, you have no idea how much time have I wasted.
Screwed Add Math, screwed Literature, screwed English.
Seriously, it's like my whole life being screwed.
If I really can't score well for my O's, this is it.
Meet my doom.

No matter how many times I told myself not to think of the past events, I still do think of them.
I will still look back to my performances, and truthfully, I screwed ALL performances.
It's literally ALL.

I feel so shameful, I've let down my teacher.
If I were to have a chance to turn back time, I will fight for my rights to swim.
Due to lack of swimming, my stamina really dropped.
Ah, I shall stop.
No point crying over spilled milk.
Look to the front, and I fought my swimming rights.
Hope mum would not turn back her words again.

I miss swimming, I miss everything I once had.
I want them back, but I know I have to put in extra effort to earn them back as I've lost them before.
I am not going to waste any time.
I am going to work, treat everyone with my smile and best service they had ever experience.
I am going to learn, to reach my target before 18.
I want to tell God, I have the rights to get what I'm supposed to get.

Wait and see peeps :)
I'm 16, I do know how to think when I am 13, but with no determination.
However, I do know now, because I've grown.
Not wasting every time and moment, I am working hard towards my passion.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WAIT! Why am I so emotional?
Laughs, all right, this is getting nowhere.
But, I meant everything I said here. :)
I will read back this post, to remind myself what I've said.
I have to practise what I preached, in order to be a successful and trustworthy person.
People who don't trust me, just go away.
No, come to me and I will prove to you. :D
Sounds fake, but hell no, I am not fake :D
All right all right, I shall really stop.

It's so yesterday that I started my paper and here I am now, left with 3 more papers.
WOW! :D
HWAITING!
Annyeong hasaeyo, cho neun Jeong Gi Young imnida.
Mannaso ban gap sumnida! :D

Simple will do

Yes, simple will do.
So, a short and simple post is up here now.

Had a 1 minute fight with LoveLove on the phone on Thursday.
Well, no detailed conversation will be posted. :)
Of course, though I've been through lots, she is much a thinker on certain aspects on life.
After that conversation, I thought for a long time.
Yeah, fair enough, I didn't put in enough effort.
Wait, define enough.

If anyone can, please leave a response to me at Plurk or reply me at twitter.
I am interested in hearing your definition. :D
For me, it's too broad and too vague a word to define!
Everyone has a rule in their heart to measure the level of satisfaction.
Don't get it?
When you think it's enough, just nice or enough to accomplish certain things, you will feel satisfied right?
So, what I mean was, the level of satisfaction is a scale to measure the mass of your effort put in.

Alright, so, after that, I thought of a lot of things.
Sherie said that I seemed to not been sleeping well because my dark circles have spread to my eyelids.
I am not kidding, it's THAT serious.
True, I have not been sleeping well.
I've been thinking, if I didn't do well for this 1st important examination, who will I let down.
In fact, I've been thinking this when I am asleep.
Therefore, even if I am given 8 hours, if my mind is still functioning and continues thinking, my dark circles won't subside.
My answer is, too many to name them.
Really, too many have been pinning hopes on me that I've been pressurizing myself.

Hence, I've made up my mind.
This moment of pressure is nothing, and I will pressurize myself more.
Bonkers? I reckon not.
I am perfectly fine, I am not clinically depressed.
Oh well, studied for consecutive 2 days, total of 11 hours.
Not enough, I planned to study for 14 hours in total, but today was kinda screwed.
Nevermind, I will pay it back tomorrow.

Wait, didn't I said that this will be a simple post?
Gosh, I've read my Literature text, Whose Life Is It Anyway from Brian Clark, for 2nd times.
Everything in my mind, are the dramatic moments and powerful dialogues.
Alright, this is getting nowhere.
Shall end here, goodbye and goodnight everyone.
FIGHTING! :D

Disappointed

Oh well, anyone could have guessed why I used 'Disappointed' as my title.
Yes, I am hell yeah disappointed with my Preliminary Result.
I am to blame for scoring such 'great' results, round of applause to myself.
What a joke.
Fine, I shall not dwell on it.
Move on, as there is marked improvement in my Additional Mathematics.
This shows that spamming myself with Additional Mathematics revisions for consecutive 2 weeks do help!
Oh man, I LOVE MATH!

Anyway, if anyone sees me in White Sands shouting, yeah, I am infuriated.
Should have controlled, but I just hate people not trusting me, especially people whom I loved and people who are important to me.
I know it's wrong for me to have shouted at my mum, I apologise for my act.
Oh well, at least I know that my mum doesn't embezzle my money for stupid uses.
(Striking news, but, yeah, sad case for my Idol)
I know I have disappointed my mum for umpteenth time, but this time, I am really awake.
I've woke up, and I am really working very hard.
I'll just hope that I can at least score a B for my English and As for everything.
Ha, sounded like I am dreaming, but it's possible.
Just that it depends whether the lazy bug living in me could get out of me and hardworking butterflies fly in me and start 'pollination'.
Alright, that's lame.
I am trying to use imagery, but as seen here, failed!

Literature, I am here to conquer you.
I am positively sure that I am going to work hard, not just sweet and wonderful talks, but certainly action out the words I've said.
Benita, FIGHTING!
Baby is giving me bless, mum is giving me faith, teachers are giving me trust.
I believe, I can do it.
Alright, end off here.
Anyway, I am not attending school tomorrow because I don't really feel well.
So, when I am at home, I will start studying from 9!
Wish me luck yeah?

Bye people :D

Too bored

It's getting a little too bored here, so, I am hereby to announce...
I LOVE T.O.P CHOI SEUNG HYUN 최승현!

Oh mama, he is freaking hot, I want to own him!
Ha ha ha! I am really crazy now, as recently, I am busy having my Preliminary Examinations.
Shocking to say, among all papers I've taken, I only managed to finish English Language Paper 1 and Science Paper.
I finished NOTHING other than those.
Wow, thanks a lot, I am so going to flunk my Preliminary Examinations, I think.
I've been practising much on my Additional Mathematics and nearly neglected all other subjects.
All right, I shall say that I NEGLECTED.
Freaking stupid, I know, but I really find the need to practise a lot for Mathematics.

Hopefully, I can score real well for GCE O Level Examination.
No, I should say, I CAN score well for it.
Right? :D

Shall end off here, I have to prepare for tomorrow's Additional Mathematics Paper 2 and Science Paper 3 ( Chemistry).
Goodbye everyone :D

Tense

Everyone's been switching their minds to 'Exam' mode, whereas for me, I am still not ready.
I am still busy slacking away, though doing much revisions and past years Exam papers.
I may be doing as much work as others now, but I am yet to feel the nervousness.
Nervous, to me, is just a word with little meaning, for the time being.

Everyone's doing their revisions and practises for English and Humanities which includes Social Studies, Elective Geography/History and Literature.
What about me?
Doing Elementary and Additional Mathematics, Combined Science ( Phy/Chem ).
Damn, though I am weak in English and Humanities, I am not focusing on those.
One tight slap for Benita on the face, WAKE UP!

Anyway, a productive studying period with Susanti last Saturday.
Though she thought that it's not enough, for her, but it's good enough for me.
She had a lot of problems though, and she had been so demoralised because no matter how much effort she put in for A Math, she still failed.
Problem lies with her though, not because she doesn't know how to do, but all because of carelessness.
Strive hard!!! =)

Today, we are going Changi Airport to study, again!
I am going to revise Social Studies and Literature.
Bravo, I am going to make full use of the time to make me understand the concept and meaning.
Good luck for Benita and Susanti!

Alright, ending off here.
Goodbye people! =D

Past tense

Sorry to have made this post unreadable, I want to express things that I want to say.
However, to avoid any misunderstanding, I made it unreadable.
Sorry all.

Anyway, good luck for people who are taking N levels.
Not to forget, good luck for people who are taking O levels, including me. =D
Wait a minute, luck is important.
However, it also consist us working hard.
Rephrase: Strive hard everyone, who are taking their major exams! =D

P/S: I am going to study with Susanti*Mummy tomorrow! I will master things that will be going through tomorrow! Wish me luck, give me determination! =D

The Truth is Ugly.

It's always been the case, truth is ugly.
Who would like to listen to truth which turns people off completely?
However, truth, do make you learn.
Nothing is perfect.
Not everyone will like the way you are.

Went to watch 'The Ugly Truth' with mum, thumbs up for this movie.
Learned something, really.
Through that, I understood why I am not always likable by people, especially boys.
My character, can only be buddy of boys, and not girlfriend of boys.

I control situation, which most chauvinist wouldn't like.
I comment, which all men don't like.
I seemed to be independent, which guys wouldn't stay close, because they would think that I do not need protection.
I always speak of scientific and general knowledge which totally turns guy off because guy just want to enjoy the time with girls, with no dead, stupid and stern conversation.

Ain't I like Katherine Heigl in the movie?
Totally.
I am laughing hard during this movie, thinking the lady in this movie doesn't know what guys want.
Thinking of that, I am actually mocking myself too.
As, I am a girl with a total male's mind.
Gosh, failure.
Such a failure.
No matter how successful a woman is, if her love life leaves a big patch of white, she's still a failure.
Though I am young and have yet to taste the success, but empty love life.
Gosh, push me down the valley!

Laugh, just kidding.
Saying this much, just to tell you all this.
BENITA CHENG IS GOING TO MUG!!!
REAL HARD!
No regrets, no second chance.
Just this once, and give in my best shot.
Let me hit the bull's eye with all my arrows. =D
A1s for everything?
Hope so alright. =D
Therefore, I might not be able to update that often, which I really am now.
However, just going on hiatus?
Might have some postings when I have something to share with you guys.

Ending off here, FIGHTING! =D

Waterfall.

Wow, kudos for Blogger, everything's down AGAIN.
How many freaking times must it be broken?
SOMEONE JUST FREAKING MEND THIS WEBSITE!
ARGH!

Had a great chat with godmother, felt relieved.
She knew me well, always.
She knows what am I doing, and why I do things such ways.
Glad to have her, as one of the important person in my life.
There are a few important people in my life, but somehow, they don't even bloody know a single shit of what am I doing.
They would just feel unhappy, when I told them about what they did wrong.
What they do, is just to find faults in me when they didn't even look themselves in the mirror to see how GOOD they are.
Funny, I can't laugh.
If I don't treasure you, would I bother to tell you what have you gone wrong?
Hell no, I will leave you in lurch and live the wonderful life of mine.
Why would I trouble myself to think so much for you?
Pondering of what your future will be like if you continued this way.
No one is perfect, but I certainly do believe that everyone is able to judge with that great mind of theirs.

Well, that's me, in the past.
As I will tell anyone straightly into their faces what they've gone wrong.
Now, I would think, will the person take my words seriously or would just flare up to me.
For people who don't treasure, I don't give a damn.
Just continue thinking that you are damn bloody wonderful, you will wake up one day and reflect what I told you back at time.
Perfect.
Wonder why, but I do feel such aggression in my heart.
Life is like that, isn't it?
I've been through real lot, so don't comment that I am being a fake matured.
I am willful and stubborn, but I do know how to hide it.
I will only show my true self to my soul mates.
Oh well, whatever.

Sorry for using such coarse language, I do feel the need to express it.
It's just like, jumping down the waterfall.
The gravity, the pressure, the speed.
It's suffering, it's scary when jumping.
However, it's a relieve, when you are in the river.
Especially when, there is so many things happening and some just doesn't go by your wish.
Just like, THIS FREAKING BLOGGER!!!
HATE IT!
ARGH!

I'm hot, yesterday!

Can't get what I mean with my title?
Laughs, I am having fever yesterday.
38 degree Celcius, wonder what's wrong.

Anyway, had Literature class yesterday.
Before that, went to meet Leonard and Shumin for breakfast.
Waited for Jerina, Clement, Eugene and Darren to come.
Waited for them to buy their breakfast and we went to wait for bus.
Late, of course.
Got questioned by Mrs Henry, but still continued with lesson.

After Literature class, went to E!Hub.
Asked about Kbox package, found it too expensive, so headed to Loyang Point's car park.
Went there with Tongy as Kiko went to find her Fatchu.
CLOSED!
Damn it! Went all the way there and gave us a locked door.
MUM called and said that she will sponsor us $15 to sing at Kbox.
Well, she is very kind and nice, because she is worry of our safety.
So, 3 of us, Kiko, Tongy and me went to Kbox.
Sang lots of songs, and I think that's when me and Tongy started feeling unwell.
Should be the nuts, as Kiko didn't eat those.
Both of us had runs, and went to a tuition centre for toilet.
That's when I measured my temperature, and it was 37.5 degree Celsius.
Sent Tongy to bus stop, and Kiko sent me home.
So sweet of them, they are so worried about me.
Reached home and my temperature rise up to 38 degree Celsius.

Damn! I hate it when I am sick, because it's always very serious till I have to miss lesson.
Today, missed Humanities and English.
DARN!!!
Well, forget it!
Blame it on my weak body.
Ending off, goodbye people.

Tranquil

Just came home from Orchard, pretty tiring.
Anyway, thanks to my aunt, who made me waited her at Far East for 2 hours.
2 HOURS!!!
Wow, thumbs up for you, to have watched 'Grey's Anatomy' till 5 in the morning.
What's more, postponed the meeting time.
Yet, still came 2 hours late.
I wonder how you actually achieved that. Hmm~
(Sarcastic!)

Toured around Orchard, went to places which I always went.
Like Far East Plaza, Cineleisure, Heeren, Takashimaya Shopping Centre.
Also went to place which I've never been to, which is Orchard Central.
Spent more than 50 dollars at FEP while waiting for that slow woman.
Thanks for making me wait, thanks real loads. =D (grins)
Walked around and slacked.
Did nothing much though.
However, encountered something scary while waiting for slow woman.

A man was behind me, and he walked in front of me saying to me 'sorry'.
He didn't knock into me or whatsoever, but just said sorry.
I said that it doesn't matter and he started asking, am I local.
What the~ Why such a weird and sudden question?
I said no, because I am not really considered as one.
He continued asking me, then where am I from.
I replied loudly, HUH?!
Come on, I don't know you, why should you ask so much.
What's more, I don't have to answer whatever shit you asked me.
IDIOT!
Guessed what he said, he said that I looked like a Japanese.
Thanks a lot, I am an Eurasian.
Got so amazed, I have got nothing to say to these uncles.
I hoped that I am just thinking too much, but his actions doesn't shatter my queries.
Yet, it hardens it.

Blah blah blah~
Forget it! =D
Anyway, went to Orchard Central.
Love the escalator, so long~
Slow woman said that it is scary for the third one, because it's getting very high.
Well, she has phobia of height, can't blame her.
Love that place too, because as when we shopped for a long time and got tired, there's plenty of sofas for us to relax.
WHOO~!
Nice and comfortable.

It's getting late, and I am tired.
Shall continue blogging tomorrow as I do have things to confess.
Goodnight and goodbye everyone =D

遺忘

在人海茫茫中，我認識了你。
在時間的轉動中，你我發生了許多事情。
在地球的旋轉中，我往前走。

我不知道，你是否記得我這個人的存在。
但我只知道，當你沒聯係我的這段時間，我也隨著時間的流逝，漸漸的淡忘了你。
或許，以後在街上碰面了，我也可能不認得你了。
因爲，意外，讓我失去了某些記憶。
那份記憶，現在被鎖上了。
也可能，永遠都不會被開啓。
就這樣，活下去吧。

遺忘，不全然是壞事。
記得，也不全然是好事。
對我來説，現在，是最好的時刻。
潘朵拉的盒子，將鎖上這些記憶。

Courage

Do you have courage to do things that you normally don't?
Oh well, I don't.
I don't dare to try things which was never in part of my life before.
Never.
To me, trying is somehow a far away achievement for me.
Previously, I don't wear sleeveless tops.
I don't like to wear skirts.
I don't listen to certain singers' songs which I don't fancy.
I am anti-english songs person.
However, I made a very important decision to these.
I tried it, unexpectedly.

Don't ask why I tried it, maybe one of the wires in my brain was malfunctioning.
Somehow like an electric shock, so I made such weird decisions.
But, I did not regret, for certain decisions.

For example, I found SOME nice songs in some singers' albums.
I would have lost some treasures if I am that stubborn like one of my friend.
I tried listening to English songs, not that wide, but at least, I listened.
Loads caught my ears, especially Christina Aguilera's songs.
I am not sure why, but I just like her voice and songs.

And some, I tried and still felt pretty awkward.
Like, wearing sleeveless.
I have big arms, because I often to pumping, that makes me develop muscles.
Ugly, I know, that's why I wouldn't wanna wear sleeveless tops.
However, I tried wearing recently, not to care much about people's attention.
If people out there who see me wearing it, and think it's nice, thanks a lot.
If not, I wouldn't hate you too, because I myself find it weird too.
Skirts, is something I wouldn't dare to try.
I have fat thighs, due to dancing at young and sudden enlargement of my size.
Therefore, I think skirts are something that will bring out my weakness about my body.
For now, I only like to wear high waist skirts, because I look pretty good in it.

Sometimes, we really need courage to do things.
As for me, now, I need courage and confidence to ace in things.
Can I have it?
I am not sure though, I would try to have it.
Good luck for me. =D
I shall go now, rather bored recently, therefore such boring posts were posted.
Apologies for that.
Off I go, watching Mr. Brain by Takuya Kimura.
Bye~ =D

Never the same

Just came back from McDonald's with Shumin and Shanice.
Saw a freaking touching scene.
An old couple, with a sum of more than 150 years old of age, went there.
The old man was helping his spouse to wear the sweater and helped to purchase food.
He even fed his spouse.
This scene made me cry, seriously touching.
Being together for so long, yet they are still so loving.
How I wished I can have such fortune, to be loved by a man who will love me for life.
Knowing that I will spend my whole life loving him to.

Oh well, everything is not the same anymore.
My heart was broken after piecing it back.
The pieces became more, eventually, and it makes a tough job for people who is going to love me.
Hmm, or maybe, no one is going to love me anymore, except for my mum.
The love I meant, was a mutual relationship between boy and girl.
A hug from a boy that I like, is the greatest thing ever on Earth.
The heartwarming feeling, the care and love, best thing ever.
I am just that unlucky, blame it on me.

Whatever man, what I wish now, is just to fulfill any wishes I made.
I don't pend for any love from anyone, just hope that I can achieve all goals.
Good luck to me.
Goodbye and goodnight people =D

Missing You~!

Oh well, I miss the old blogger that all of us going crazy over it.
Nice to use, not a problem to us.
BUT NOW, IT'S GIVING ME TRUCK LOADS OF PROBLEM DESPITE ME GIVING IT MY FULL SUPPORT TO IT, when people started moving their hut to onsugar.com.
Damn, I shall abandon this blogger.com soon if it doesn't obey to my command.
Laughs! I sounded so bitchy, thinking myself too highly.
However, I am stating the truth.
It's not a bad thing of being real and true to myself.
Live up to your conscience, quoted by Mrs Henry, my Literature teacher.

Dang, I am going Gaga, like how Lady Gaga's doing.
Crazy! This is the word to describe me, due to lack of sleep and long period of headaches.
Sigh, I really should get treatment if it persist, it's gonna affect my studies.
Cries, I am freaking desperate for remedy!!!
No panadol please, I will grow rashes if I eat those.

Anyway, change my blog song to Black Eyed Peas' Missing You.
Whoo~ Just like how someone is missing me now.
Right, Benjamin Khoh??? =D
Oh man, I miss you too, but I know that you miss me more right?
LOL, joking alright? =D

Okay, from the post, you all should sense the gaga-ness in me.
So, to prevent further influence of this gaga-ness, I shall stop posting.
Dots, fine, I shall shut up.
Goodbye everyone =D

P/S: Happy Teachers' Day to all teachers in Singapore!

Teachers' day tomorrow.

Just came back from shopping today.
Quite a splendid one, I guess.
I wanted to shop today, alone, but mum tagged along.
She is worried about me, obviously.
However, I just kept things from her, because I don't want her to worry.

The reason for me to shop alone, is to do soul-searching.
It's not that I did something wrong, but to have some reenactment of life.
Being alone, I can think of what I want, with no distraction.
I found out that I am more able to concentrate when I am in public, because I am tired of sounds.
I will keep away from noise, and immune myself from people who are looking at me.
Well, weird I know, but this is me.
The special me that is seen by me and my friends.

Went to buy Teachers' Day presents, spent more than 100 dollars.
Of course, is shared by friends, but paid by me first.
Hope that they would pay me back as soon as possible.
Money is difficult to come by!!!

Head's spinning~

Pillow's soaking wet when I woke up, eyes' swollen.
I knew, I cried.
Cried so hardly, talked to Amanda on the phone.
Had been bottling up my emotions, that led me in breaking down yesterday.
Jealousy, is a dynamite.
Frankly speaking, never underestimate jealousy, it will lead you do something out of your normal mind.
I always knew, when I cried, my head will ache the next day.
As expected, my head ache till I cannot take it.
What's more, I had my Higher Mother Tongue Preliminary Examination today.
With the spinning head of my, I flunked my paper 1.
I am not sure what I wrote for my composition, got so blurred of what I wrote.
Paper 2 was alright, except the fact that I am rushing my work as it's running out of time.

Fine, I am not sure of what am I writing now, still having headache.
Goodbye people.

If life wasn't as sucky when dumb people appear

Sorry for not updating for days, have been rather busy and lazy to update my blog.
I will find time to round up all my incomplete blog posts.
My apologies for that.

Well, life has been rather enjoyable, ever since Darren come back to my circle of friends.
He has been a great friend, in making me feel good for the rest of the day.
He never fails to make me laugh, that's why I love hanging out with him.
I treasure the time I am with him, and I hoped that our friendship never ends.
I am going to cherish every friendship I had, with all my strength and energy.
I just love my friends around me. =D

Anyway, proud to announce, HE is out of my life.
I am not going to care about him, worry about him, whatever.
If he wants me, I am not going to give much damn.
As, he wasted whole shit load of MY time.
However, I've never regretted doing anything for him.
For what I've always said, all memories are worth remembering and learn lessons from it.
I've learned, to not waste any time for people who are unworthy.
Or, let's put it another way, not waste any time for people who doesn't cherish us as much as we cherishes them.
That sounds better. =D
Don't you think so?
Thanks for all the memories, I will regard you as a friend, for the rest of my life.

Cry? I will do that.
However, I will still eat.
As, I will have energy to continue crying.
Crying, is the best way to vent out my unhappiness.
However, when it's time for me to stop crying, I will stop.
All unhappiness, will flow away with my tears and everyday will be a brand new day.
I promise.
For me, now, I've seen through.
Maybe, we are just not fated to be.
Maybe, I am just unworthy for people to love.
Maybe, I am fated to get hurt for life.
Maybe, no one just realise that I am always alone.
Maybe, no one is able to see my inner-self.
Maybe, no one knows how much I would like to give.
However, no one wants to accept the unopened love I've kept for long.

This is my life, how miserable can it be huh?
However, I have to accept it, right?
Maybe, I might stay single for the rest of my life, and be that pathetic person in everyone's eyes.
Oh well, let it be.
No matter how hard I tried, no one just realise my existence.
No one sees how hard I've tried to be pretty in the inside as well as the outside.
No one realises that I've always been trying to smile, as people thinks that I very sweet when I smile.
This is just how I am in this pathetic world, pathetically practical.
I fight for the rights that I should have, but I lost the war eventually.
Well, forget it.
I shall be a small figure for the time being.

If life wasn't as sucky when dumbos appear, they are pathetically retarded.
Intellectually challenged.
Juniors in my school love to see me and started talking about me.
I can sense that they are gossiping about me, obviously.
They made it obvious, such a way that when they saw me, they immediately started talking lots and smiling.
Well, a piece of advice, don't make it so obvious.
It just shows how stupid you are.
Imagine this, you are gossiping about people, would you want the person to know that you are gossiping about him/her?
NO, OF COURSE.
Even me, as a person who doesn't gossip much, knows how to gossip in a PROFESSIONAL way.
NOOBS out there, learn more skills of gossiping, then you try to gossip alright?
Meanwhile, try harder. =D

As compared to my school juniors, I enjoy going to Ngee Ann Secondary.
I wonder why, but they are always giving me a smile whenever they see me.
If they were to gossip about me at my back, I wouldn't know, and I feel better.
At least, they put up a very good show.
However, I do not think that they are putting up a mask in front of me.
How would I know?
By looking into their eyes.
Everybody's eyes will betray their real feelings, it's easy to sense.
They are just nice people. =P
(If Sisterlovelovelove sees this, she will be elated, as she is also one of the NASians. =D)

Oh well, I shall say, it's their mouth and mind, I can't control.
Just, think of the consequences of doing all these.
Frankly speaking, no one likes full-time gossipers.
They will get sick of it one day.
Well, it's your choice anyway. =D

Fine, I shall stop all rantings and study.
I have important things to do, I will do my best.
STRIVE HARD! =D
Goodbye people!

Miss me as much as I missed you

Oh well, MFF isn't performing well recently at Blogger, so I'm back using IE to blog.
Sorry for the lack of updates, hasn't been well recently.
Fell sick over and over again, I'm beginning to worry about myself.
Symptoms are fever, flu, cough, muscle aches.
Looks scary right?
However, I'm sure it's not H1N1 flu, because I did not get into contact with people contracting this virus.
Hence, I'm safe! =D

Well well, as you all know, I went to Da Vinci the Genius Exhibition.
Truly an eye opener, LEONARDO DA VINCI IS THE IRREPLACEABLE GENIUS!
He's mind is full of knowledge and wisdom.
I have got nothing to say.
If anyone says that he/she want to defeat Leonardo, continue dream in your wonderland.
Happy dreaming alright? =D
As, this dream will never come true.
Or else, try to be like him, using zero technology, all by his hands and eyes, and find out more than he does.
Took loads of pictures and edited some.
In fact, only 3, because I'm kinda lazy to edit others.
However, I'm unable to upload the photos, for unknown reason.
Plus, I'm tired now.
So, I shall sleep now and update tomorrow (?)
Sorry alright, I'm really exhausted.

Goodnight people.
Anyway, FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER YEAH? Thanks! =D

The artsy life is on the way~

Oh well, did my last Preparatory Exam paper today, Science Paper 1.
40 Multiple Choice Questions, combining with Chemistry and Physics.
I must say that, I am just simply ridiculing everything.
I really gave up on the papers and whatever I could think of, I would just relate it to the given choices.
Finishing it in about 30 minutes, and I packed my pencils and slept.
Was deeply asleep, nothing could wake me up.
When Mrs Tan said 'time's up', I could not hear.
I can only hear her saying that she is going to collect the OTAS paper, then I woke up.
I forgot what I dreamed about, so as last few nights.
I only knew that I dreamed, but could ring no bell when woke up.
Well, I simply can't give a damn, does dreams make any difference?
Life continues right?
So, I could not bother more.

Tomorrow's such an interesting day, because I am going to the Da Vinci Art Exhibition.
Tagging along with Jerina, Kenny, Raymond, Darren, Amanda and more.
It's somehow like a 4/7's class gathering.
Kinda classy, I think, gather together for an artsy life.
WOW~!
Hopefully, I could gain more knowledge =D
And to MHDM, I know you are leading a wonderful life that you went to Italy and Paris before, don't have to rub salt on my wound.
I nearly scolded you with vulgarities, but I kept it down.
Hope that you wouldn't piss me off any much more, because I do not know how much can I compromise to you.
Alright?

Oh guess he wouldn't read my blog, I'm talking to the air and viruses.
Laughs!
I shall go off now, waking up at 6 tomorrow.
Excited! =D

Start from scratch

Today's quite a wonderful day, thought my Elementary Mathematics Preparatory Exam result is so lousy.
Everything start from scratch, me and a 'long lost' friend reconciled.
He actually thought that I was angry with him, I find him rather cute.
In fact, I were thinking that he was the one who was angry with me.
Oh well, I must say that we are really adorable, in a weird way.
Drop this matter, at least we are alright now.
We are friends now, right?

All misunderstandings, are just tests for us, to see if we trusted each other and understood each other.
When we can overcome all sorts of challenges, it truly means that our friendship will not quiver.
We are true friends, we are friends who trusted and understood each other.
Till now, I am truthful enough to say that I've found a few.
They never leave me, though we had conflicts and misunderstandings.
We would just sit down and try to solve everything.
I'm glad that I have you, really.
From the bottom of my heart. <3

When I said that I gave up on my Preparatory Exam, I really mean it.
And guess what? I really scored a disgusting mark for my Elementary Mathematics Papers.
Mum's gonna kill me, seriously, and she would.
She had high expectations of me, but I'm simply not putting in any effort now as I'm not focused.
Felt remorseful towards her, but there's nothing much I can do now to ensure I get good grades for my Preparatory Exam Papers.
For now, hope that I can be healthy, so as to be able to concentrate and start revising.

For me, everything is starting from scratch now.
My physical situation, my friends circle, my school work, my interests.
I am slowly building up my body, to make me healthier.
I am slowly becoming more cheerful and outgoing, to allow me to have more friends.
I am slowly picking up what I've missed during the competition period, to allow me to score well in the upcoming GCE O Level Examination.
I am slowly learning all skills that I've abandoned in the past, to allow me to be more talented.
Wait a minute, does it make sense for my last point?

Oh whatever, I don't really care much now, it's my life.
It's my time to shine, it's my time to make a remarkable result.
I'm doing well now, because I know how to let go.
I'm not going to cry over spilled milk, yet I will learn from my mistake and be careful.
This is me, and I am telling you now that,
I'm Fine! Thanks for your concern.
Goodnight people! =D

Real person, real feeling? I wish.

I am so not going to blog about my daily life today, it's so mundane.
Everyday is about school, examinations and all, my brain's gonna to burst in no time.
I've been in a diluted concentration mind, I am not focusing.
Teacher's been telling to focus, because GCE Ordinary Level Examinations in round the corner.
However, I just can't.
I am so going to flunk my preparatory examinations, and MUM's going to show me her colours.
I am so dead~
BENITA, BUCK UP!

Oh well, let's talk about other things.
It's been more than a month ever since I finished watching 'Zettai Kareshi'(Absolute Boyfriend), including the special.
To what I've expected, I cried like a crazy woman when watching the special.
The tap in my eyes is not working well, I can't control the flow.
It's exceptionally sad when Knight asked Namikiri why is he a robot, it gave me a stab in my heart.
A robot, could feel so much like a human, for a human, but what about a real human?
Human changes his heart as time goes by, and could simply forget what's happened in the past.
All the sweet talks, all promises, could disappear with the wind.
It's unmeasurable for the depth of a human's heart, we can never think of what they are thinking and feeling.
Everything seems so fake, so vague, so mistake.

Though Knight is a robot, but he is feeling like a human because of love.
Who actually knows the definition of love?
No one could answer it.
When you are in a relationship, you would say 'I love You'.
But when relationship comes to an end, all the 'love' said doesn't seems to exist.
They are forgotten and buried.
However, a robot is living on, because of the promises made.
They would never forget the promises made, and their 'heart' never change.
Though they are not human, but so what for me.
What I want, is a reliable person, a person who can keep up to his promise.
A real human, might have feelings, but, changes over time.

I know that there's no such thing as eternal love, but at least, I want promises to be kept.
Till now, there's someone has yet to fulfill any of the promises made to me.
Kinda disappointed, and that's why, I would rather have no feeling.
At least, I won't feel pain and disappointed.
Fine, I shall not dwell on it, there would be a better tomorrow.
I know, and I can ensure.

As, there will be meteor shower tomorrow, at 2 am.
Everyone, please do face the East side.
If you do not know where, take a compass! =D
I shall go off now, I have a lot of things to do.
Goodbye people.

What's your confidence level?

Hello everyone, wish you all a happy National Day.
Well, as expected, this year's a boring one, so I went out to have fun.

Woke up early to prepare for DM's celebration.
Made up, changed to purple, his and mine favourite colour.
For your information, we are just friends alright? =D
So, headed to Tampines 1, instead of Tanah Merah as told.
Well, it's a surprise, to trick him there by telling him that I fainted.
However, I waited until I feel weak, I feel like fainting.
When he heard that, he said that I am lying to him.
In fact, I am really weak.
Hence, he immediately rushed to Tampines 1 and saw me with the cake.
Thanks a lot bastard, you are expressionless.
I feel so sad when I see your face has no facial changes.
Damn you, I hate you okay?

Ate and headed toward Parkway Parade to meet his friends.
Seriously, I think they are so indecisive than girls.
Walking around for beer, and laughing around as if they have the whole world's time to waste.
Me and B is so lethargic, we were like so gloomy when they walked around and didn't buy anything.
They wanted to chase the bus, so crossed the overhead bridge.
While me and B just stayed there.
DM really waited for us at the bridge and called us.
That's the time when I realise why GOD created male and female.
We are different, and this could not be changed.
Girls prefer liquor, while guys prefer beer.
Girls prefer romance movies, while guys prefer horror movies.
I am more like a guy, I prefer horror and action movies.
However, girls are more sensitive than guys.
Sensitive meaning we can sense more, we know guys more than guys know us.
They are kinda insensitive, they don't know what we want.
That's the time when I know, why girls compromise more to guys.
I am sorry if you are not the above I mentioned, I'm referring to the majority.

That's when my confidence level is the lowest.
I do not how to communicate, I do not know how to get along with them.
They are his friends, I do not know them.
That's the time when I am feeling so paranoid and unhappy.

Therefore, went off with B, to walk around and do something.
It's not right to say, but certainly not something dirty. =D
Headed back to Tampines, did window shopping and I am hereby recommending a shop in Tampines Mall.
It's Valerie, it's located at the second floor.
I've forgotten the unit number, but it's signboard is kinda big and attracting.
Their clothes, in my eyes, are gorgeous, I love it.
However, do make sure you bring enough money before patronising it.
Trust me, it's nice!
What's more, is that when you spend above 100 dollars, you will get a 10 dollars voucher.
That means spending of $150, you will get $15 voucher.
Do take note, minimum spending of $100, then you will be awarded to the voucher.

Oh well, before going in to Tampines Mall, there's an event going on outside.
It was organised by SingTel, and if we were to do something, we will be given a goodie bag.
Deciding to be a typical Singaporean for once, I went up to sing National Day theme song.
Of course not this year's, I do not know how to!
I sang 'Home', that was when I am the happiest.
I can sing, when no one knows who am I, and they gave me their attention and applause.
I just sang, with all my breathe, and emotions, and everyone appreciated.
I felt so happy, my confidence level is the highest.
They even asked me to sing another song, and still, more people came to listen.
Really, such attention is much appreciated, as they do not know who am I.
They are just purely, listening to the music I'm producing.
It's really different compared to CSS, and I prefer the situation now.
They are more like your listener, appreciaters, than supporters or haters.
Feels good, life's good. =)

Went to eat Japanese Cuisine with B, which cost each of us $36!!!
Gosh, I am so going to get killed by my mum.
She told me to take note of my spending, and there I am eating such a splendid dinner.
However, I would say, it's worth spending the money.
I'm enjoying it, B too.

After all these, I'm exhausted.
I am really tired, lethargic.
However, what I'm telling you now, is to live life with confidence.
Confidence marks a fruitful day today.
Like me, my confidence level has always been taking a ride on the roller coaster, going up and down.
When I think everything's going fine, my confidence level could ruin everything.
Everything has to start from scratch, afraid, but have to move on.
The world's not going to stop because of you, but to continue going to let you know life has to move on.
In fact, it's speed will be unexpectable, as you are still there standing and dazing.
Life has so much for you to encounter, are you going to waste those exciting moments and just stop there?

I realised that, and I am not stop there whenever I'm being knocked down.
In fact, I'm going to get stronger and not get defeated.
I am going to move on, I am going to encounter all experiences with my open eyes, open ears and heart.
First thing to do, boost up my confidence level.
Second thing, boost up my confidence level.
Third thing, boost up my confidence level.
Laugh, I'm just psycho-ing myself.
I would want you to think, are you confident? =D

Here we go!

57 more minutes, and we will be 44 years old.
Alright, to be honest, I am not really into National Day.
Every year is just the same old thing, celebration and singing of the theme songs.
Done, that's all.
But what's special about this year, is we are going to take the pledge as a whole.
Whole Singapore is going to take the pledge at 8.22pm.
So people, do remember to turn on the television to say the pledge together.
The Civil Defence siren will sound at that time as a reminder alright?

Okay, tomorrow is going to celebrate DM's birthday with BBBBBBB!
GOSH, IMMA SO EXCITED!
Alright, I'm just being stupid here.
Surprise surprise, hope he gets surprised by the surprise I planned.
Hope he doesn't reads my mind as he always does.
Hope he just gets mental block for that moment. =D
I am going to just let you feel touched, aww~~~
Alright, I know you won't, cut that crap. =D
Just enjoy alright? =D

Am going to KBox with Ben Khoh coming monday, I am so going to sing as much as I can.
It's been long since I go to KBox and sing.
A long list of songs I am going to sing, including old songs and new songs.
Alright! I am so excited! =D
I am going off now, goodnight people!
Shall update tomorrow regarding tomorrow's thing.
Goodbye. =D

Celebrate this moment.

Well well, had National Day Celebration this year, I am speechless.
Speechlessly, hopelessly boring!
I prefer last year's celebration, needless to say.
We sang so many songs last year, jumping around like some little kids, we were regaining our childhood.
This year, we sang 2 songs, ONLY!
I felt kinda gloomy, I wanted to sing, not in the crowd.
However, I know that I'm always the one who's being forgotten, because I am not thick skinned enough to ask for a chance to perform.
Oh whatever, my school's always like that.
They seldom give me chances to perform, because I am the one who always hide in a corner, hoping to get noticed.
It's okay though, I shall get better performance chances on better stages and better audience.
My school.... made me speechless.

Didn't get to take picture as I left my camera in the classroom, I felt stupid though.
I wanted to cam whore, at last, as this is the last year in school celebrating as a secondary school student.
I want to take picture with them, as they are the batch of people going through last year in PRCS with me.
From broken pieces, to a perfectly fine and beautiful art piece, this is our class.
Show the others what we can do 4/7ers!
We are just so united, we are as one!
Laugh out loud, sounds wrong, to me.
Oh, WHO CARES!
Alright, I'm getting high~

Today's 'Crestians Got Talent', I shall say that the winner deserves it, really.
They are good, voices are considered good too.
What they are lack of now, is harmonisation.
If there are harmony in their singing, it would be a great addition to their marks.
Samuel, the one who played on the piano, he's great.
Seriously, I love his rendition of 'Bumble Bee'.
However, our school's student just doesn't know how to appreciate it.
Because of his attitude? I don't know.
I just like his performance.
For other contestants, I have no comments.
Just to say, our talent competition contestant's quality, is at a decelerating mode.
I shall not say some more before any of the contestants saw this and started scolding me and cursing me in their blog.
You should know how good you are. =D

Oh, there's something I want to show.
Blogger's fine, now, I think?
But layout seems weird, this showed on my laptop.
Take a look.



Found that, the tabs are there, but unable to upload picture.
Retarded.
Facebook seemed to have problem too, anyone encountering the same thing as me?
Like this?



Is your's like mine?
Weird~

Unsatisfaction

Sorry for not updating my blog yesterday, woke up from my afternoon nap at a very late time.
Was tired till then, hence didn't update.
I kind of forgotten something, try to do a recapitulation here.
So, let's start from yesterday!

Had normal school lesson, did chemistry experiment, and something happened.
Sorry Felicia, that I've scolded you.
Too many things happened, life's kind of screwed, mood's kind of foul.
I always wanted to cry, as too many things happened, because I wanted to relieve my sorrow.
I believed that crying helps in relieving the emotions that you've pressing it for long.
However, I haven't been crying for about 2 months, that's why I am so paranoid previously.
I have to thank Felicia, for pissing me off to let me cried.
I felt good after crying, thanks a lot.
Sound's so self abusing, but really, I felt much better.
Laughs.

Anyway, I didn't say that when we are heading towards Chemistry laboratory, my left eye's twitching.
I am kind of mixed up with 左吉右凶or左凶右吉, but Sherie told me is the former, so I'm quite happy that it's not the latter.
So, yeah, indeed, something good happened.
Someone I've been worrying about, just updated me that he/she's alright.
Thanks for making me worry, you shall get it from me when I see you.
*Evil Laughter!

Well, let's talk about today, such an unlucky day.
Went to school, reconciled with Felicia.
Here comes the nightmare, my right hand started to ache.
Been massaging it, and it's seem not effect.
For entire 2 hours, I can't write properly with my right, hence I used my left hand.
It's been a long time since I used my left hand to write, so I looked kinda atrocious.
Thinking of having Literature Preparatory examination after recess, I started to worry.
So after a long conversation-cum-quarreling with my mum, she picked me up from school and brought me to consult doctor.

Well, doctor said that I had bone infection at my wrist area.
I am kind of amazed, BONE INFECTION?
Darn, I am speechless.
So now, my hand is like a dumpling, kind of ugly.
Oh well, shall stop before you dozing off in front of the computer screen.
I have a boring life...
Nope, not boring life.
I am poor in English, hence I could not think of words to phrase my sentence till it's colourful.
Thinking of that, I started to worry.
Fine, I shall stop, really.
Laughs!

Tomorrow's National Day Celebration, and I wonder how would my school organise for hall activity.
Is it going to be like a daily routine, the same old thing repeating?
Or is it going to be something special?
By listening to Discipline Master saying that there's 'Crestians Got Talent', I started to yawn.
Secondary 1 and 2, there's PRCS Idol.
Last year, it was Talent Quest.
This year, 'CRESTIANS GOT TALENT'!!!!
WHAT THE HELL?!
Can't they be more creative?
Maybe next year, there will be 勵志Superstar, Mandarin Singing Competition.
Faint, I am going to faint if it really happens.
Perhaps, I'm just expecting too much, what a perfectionist I am.
I don't like copying other's, I don't like to wear what people's wearing EVERYWHERE.
I don't follow by trend, because I know fashion is something that what you feel is the best for you.
I like something special, and not to follow trend.
However, I can't probably force people to be like me.
Knock on my head, stupid me.

Alright, ending off here.
Goodnight, and goodbye. =D

This is Absurd!

Gosh, I am so going to rant in blog today.
Today's preparatory exam paper was a total piece of *toot*.
Well, I do admit that I didn't really study for it, but I did read through.
I've got the ideas in my head after reading through, and was pretty sure that I can manage it.
However, Source Based Question (SBQ) disappointed me big time.

I have NO IDEA, why the setter gave sources based on the country that we've never touch on.
We didn't study that, we have NO BACKGROUND for that country's humanitarian crisis.
Oh well, I am sure anyone sees it, and is able to score for Social Studies, he/she would say SBQ doesn't inquire any knowledge for us to attempt.
And because so, I would not say much about the problem of setter setting this paper.
However, on top of that, I should say, without any basic knowledge of the country's conflict, means that we need time to understand and decipher the little background knowledge given.
This is absurd, totally unforgivable!

Due to time constrain, I do not have enough time to attempt essay questions.
Knowing that passing isn't a problem for essay questions, this cannot be done as I didn't finish it.
Oh, I hate it, this is so not right.
In fact, I didn't finish both section's questions.
After doing third part of SBQ, I looked at the time and flipped to do essay question.
Used up a lot of time to do first part of it, hence I only finished about 60-70% of the part B.
Then, I flipped back to rush out last part of SBQ.
Guess what, I'm only left with 4 minutes to do it.
My writing speed isn't fast, 4 minutes isn't enough for me!
I'm so agitated, luckily I managed to calm myself down easily, or else, I will be the one shouting when examination ends!

Seriously, have lots of vulgarities in my brain, I wanted to shout out.
However, I kept it down.
Bad for health, bad for image.
Gosh, there's no link for bad for health, I don't find any!
Maybe others do, but I don't.
Alright, I'm talking to myself, don't bother me.
I would rather end off here, now, rather than to look at the computer screen and shout,
"Hey! This post is ABSURD! I HAVE NO IDEA OF WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TRYING TO CONVEY!"

Okay, I shall stop being crazy here.
Cheers, I shall go off now.
Goodbye and goodnight. =D

Disappearance

Blogger posting segment failed me, for weeks.
The tabs for editing fonts and stuff, just went disappear.
Just like how you did.
Paranoid again?
Think so.

Been telling myself not to think of you much, there are much more important things awaiting for me to accomplish.
However, I've been procrastinating, again.
Like I've told you before, happiness is my motivation to study.
I ain't happy, not at all.
Might not need to see you everyday, might not need to hear your voice everyday, but just a simple Short Message Service chats, I will feel at ease.
I am a potential procrastinator, and I am now showing people, especially my Mum, my talent.
I feel so bad, so remorseful, in letting her to see me not doing any good to myself.
I'm regretful, for replying those hurtful responses on my Plurk, saying that me and you is never possible.
Just because, I was so disappointed in you, and myself too.
However, I would not take it away, as words said can never be taken back.
What's done, cannot be undone.
I wished that time could turn back, just before I respond, I could think more and could have just wrote, nope, we are not together, just that.
By saying that we can be together, when lightning strikes and thunder sounds, a heavy storm starts immediately, is just me lying through my teeth, my eyes.
I really hoped that what I said really happen, but I know, it's impossible.
As, I am not a person who would compromise to everything, especially on things that I don't wanna mention.
You can tell me to do lots of things, and I would say okay.
However, the main issue that causes me and you in this present state, I just can't bring myself to compromise.
You don't force me, I thank you, but I am just landing in this miserable state that might make me not able to stand up anymore.

Why would I not touch on that, is because the belief and what I see, keeps rotating.
It kept happening, never stop.
I can say that, I love God, because God created almost everything, but mindset is the thing that keeps me unmovable.
There are too many things happening out there, that made me a free-thinker now.
I can say that I've seen the beauty side of human, and also the ugly side of human.
Religion, is a thing that I would not criticise or comment on, because everyone has their own choice.
They have their freedom to choose whatever religion they want to be in, we cannot say anything.
The worst thing, is to criticise other religion indirectly.
I always believed, good-ones will go to heaven, not only for the particular religion.
As, it doesn't always seem to be like what you think, you are saint-like.
Hell no, every people have different religion, and they are of good, bad or on faint line.
It doesn't always imply that all people from one religion will go to heaven, and others will go nowhere.
No such thing, seriously.
Who knows where would we go when we die, everyone will die one day.
We don't have any idea, we cannot say anything.
That's the reason why, I chose to disappear, from any religion.
I might find one one day, I might not.
We cannot predict what's going to happen when time passes.

What we can do, is react when things come.

If that's the way you treat me, as you said, a friend.
Then thanks, you've done a brilliant job.
Maybe, we just don't know how to appreciate each other, that's why we passed by each other unknowingly.
We did not notice each other importance of presence.
Disappear all you want, just want to tell you.
If you read my blog, I will be waiting for you to appear on the day we've said to celebrate your birthday.
Surprises will still go on, if you want me keep waiting, I'm fine with that.
I will just wait, at a place that I am going to email you.
I will wait till the next day, I gave my word with honour.
I will just wait...
Wait till you appear from your disappearance...

Paranoia

Oh well, from the above title, should have guessed so.
Right, I am feeling a bit, nope, it's VERY paranoid.
I could flare up easily, or got very affected by something, since Friday.
I don't know why, but it just came by my door of heart and went in.
I hate it, seriously, made me having foul mood in the morning.
I'm glad that I didn't vent my anger on anyone, but the fire is burning red as ever.
I'm having fever, virtually.
Darn, and I'm fine after a nap.
Thanks a lot, I feel so great now, with a little gaga in my head.

Thanks to Katy Perry, I felt so good after listening to her songs.
Meanwhile, I found out that I can sing her songs.
So, I'm going to learn her songs.
Alright, that's random.
Well, that's what I meant by gaga in the head.
I'm not Lady Gaga, and I can't be her, she's so great.
So, don't assume or trying to be lame in front of your laptop or computer screen.
Alright, I'm going crazy.
Dumdum dee dumdum dee dumdum~
I'm going crazy now~~~
Laughs, alright, I shall stop.

Thinking that I'm studying now, hell no.
I am not going to study now, look at the time now.
My mind's shut.
I'm going to wake up at 4 in the morning to study.
So, it means that I'm going to sleep at 11 pm.
AGAIN!
Oh fine, I think I'm not a little, but VERY gaga!
Shall end off here, goodnight people.
Boring post. =.=
Goodbye, sweet dreams. =D

不屑

事情如果那麽簡單那就好了
想讓自己不見
瞬間就統統消滅
人類如果沒有心臟那就好了
受傷不會流血
悲傷也不會流淚

不需要有同類 傳染頹廢
不需要愚昧的尊嚴
不需要去偷竊 你的思念 自我安慰

就讓我僞裝 我嘴角不屑
讓孤獨乘以更孤獨的兩倍
允許我 保留我最後一點點特權
赦免我想念你的心碎
如果我眼神裡 閃爍不屑
可能我心裡一半已經殘廢
那一半 跟著你走遠了的那一天
這一半漸漸一一瓦解

事情如果那麽簡單那就好了
想讓自己不見
瞬間就統統消滅
人類如果沒有心臟那就好了

受傷不會流血
悲傷也不會流淚

不需要有同類 傳染頹廢
不需要愚昧的尊嚴
不需要去偷竊 你的思念 自我安慰

就讓我僞裝 我嘴角不屑
讓孤獨乘以更孤獨的兩倍
允許我 保留我最後一點點特權
赦免我想念你的心碎
如果我眼神裡 閃爍不屑
可能我心裡一半已經殘廢
那一半 跟著你走遠了的那一天
這一半漸漸一一瓦解

如果我 還有一點點不屑
别想要說服我純潔的絕對
我只是 世界上某種絕種的蕨類
悄悄的失眠了一光年

如果我 還有一點點不屑
那是我自己虛榮心在作祟
自以爲 或許有一天我們會重疊
我可以再愛你第二遍

A song recommend to you all, 不屑by黃鴻升.
Got seriously affected by the lyrics, it's throbbing my heart.
My thoughts, some times, really do show this thinking.
Oh well, we can't control life, but can't abandon too.
Because, it's our life.
Well, shall not think too much about those gloomy stuff.
Off to have my dinner, bye people.

Peacefully

Finally, I've thought it through.
I shouldn't have said those as I know there are people out there supporting me, not because of looks.
Purely because of my voice.
I really appreciate your support, because you people see the effort I put it.
Anyway, I am the one who gave up in this competition.
As, I am kinda tired playing hide and seek, and psychology games with media.
I am only 16, I am not cut out to handle these at this young age.

Well, I am sure when I am older, I am able to.
However, we will see how future lead us to.
Let's see. =D

Anyway, just chatted with Jarod.
Oh well, he is just as cute and irritating as ever.
Talked quite much, got some updates and out dates from him.
Jarod, don't really have to care much.
As long as we are happy, we lead our life because it's ours, not theirs, it's more than enough.
Other people's matter, we don't have to care.
Especially to those who hated me for non constructive reason, well, I don't expect you to like me anymore.
Just to tell you something, don't act a saint, it's useless.
I am bad, I admit.
But at least, I know my limits.
I am happy, do you?
Hope that you do, if not, no one can help you.

Laughs, I find myself so sarcastic.
Wonder why, maybe it's because of listening to A*mei's newest album.
Her album's songs are mostly daring in words, shows aggressive feelings.
Her songs somehow brought up my dark side of feelings, made me have courage to say what I want to say now.
Oh no, her name is not A*mei not.
Let me introduce, she is a newbie, her name is Amit!
Support her, I love her loads. =D

Fine, I think I've gone berserk.
Shall stop here before my topic has drifted to Northern America to find Hui Shi.
Alright, that's lame.
Goodbye people.
Have a nice day. =D

空港

I've been listening to this song for awhile, and I want to learn this song.
Rather sad, but I like it.
Watch this music video, and understand the lyrics more.

I have this sudden feeling, well, it's not the first time.
I feel like leaving this place, for a year or so, tour around this world.
I want to go to places which are introduced in 明星志工隊, see what I can do to help.
Of course, with me alone, there's little thing I can do.
But, I really wish I can do something.

Leaving this place, also to keep my ears free from all those hypocrisy and stupidity of human beings.
Oh well, I know that they have to be like this in order to let them survive in this world.
However, I just don't get it.
Have they really got to go into such extend?
Well, these are none of my business.

Why do I dislike this place?
Seriously, not really because of the weather.
I'm sorry if I've offended you, but just how practical can you people be?
I don't like singers who have looks and don't even sing well.
Like some, which I don't wish to name, they can be called as artiste, but not singer.
I've met people who told me, they do not like A*mei, because of one stupid reason.
She is not pretty.
Oh well, if I cannot hold my fist well enough, their eyes will have dark circles till now.
Gosh, she is a singer, not a model.
What's more, a singer is suppose to be the one who can sing well.
What about you people, who only support those so-called singers because of their looks.
Darn, and when I listen to their songs, I felt awful because of their voice and techniques.
Marketing and publicity, recording companies don't care about how bad their voices are.
At least they've got the looks, they will attract supporters and customers, they don't care much.
Fancy letting those lyricists and composers, putting in their effort in creating a song.
Guess what, got trashed by those so-called singers who cannot even pitch well in a recording studio.
And, people here are blindly supporting them because of their looks.
Literally, if I can, I will give you my holy middle finger.

Don't ask me why am I so pissed, I wonder why too.
At this scorching hot weather, my mind is in confusion too.
I remembered, people commented me, because of my looks.
Well, I know that I am not pretty and not slim, but is that the correct reason to criticise me?
People are boring, people are naive, people are childish.
But it is not people all around the world, frantically speaking, it's people here.
Only people here will do such things, because of?
Well, 見不得人好,恨不得人死, that's their perception.
Sick of it, seriously.

Sorry, being emotional here.
If you not such kind of a person I mentioned above, don't care much about what I've said.
I am purely ranting, and I know there bound to have people starting commenting about me again.
Well, I see this coming.
I stand to my point of view.
If I don't have my own freedom to comment about what I feel in my blog, then what's the purpose of blog.
I am indifferent from everyone.
If everyone can blog whatever they feel, I can too.
I am also a human being, alright?
Stop shooting me with your rifles as if your bullet doesn't cost, you might get yourself hurt when something reflects your bullet.
I am a normal human being, so do you.
Peace yeah?
Goodbye people, stop those non constructive criticisms before anyone do this to you.

3 days

Well, as you all might know, I am sick.
Physically sick.
I was given 3 days Medical Certificate, thanks a lot.
Thanks to myself, falling ill at such crucial period.
Monday is my preparatory examinations, and there are still topics that I'm unsure of.
Alright, I shall just listen to what Mrs. Tan had told me, take it as it comes.
Anyway, it's not yet GCE Ordinary Level Examinations yet. =D

Oh well, I've been given 4 medications, kind of confuse.
2 flu medicines, 1 to take in the morning and 1 to take at night.
Gosh, I hope that I don't get mixed up and eventually got struck by different kinds of side effect.
3 days of Medical Certificate = more work to catch up.
Thanks a lot, really thanks a lot.
Though I needed a break, but I never said that I wanted THAT long.
Fine, I shall take it as it comes.

However, don't assume that 3 days of Medical Certificate means that I can rest at home.
There's no such thing called resting.
I have to clear some of my cupboards to let my tenant put her things.
I have to plan a wonderful birthday surprise for someone.
I have to revise my work at home.
So people, do you think that I am resting???
Hell no, I can't rest until everything's over.

Alright, I shall just end here.
Shall update when I'm free.
Goodbye people =D

Devastation

It's getting late, and I've just started using the computer.
Well, I slept from 1800-2200, I'm tired.
Have been paying attention from 0800-1615, this is hectic, it's tiresome.
I hoped that I can turn back the time, to not join the competition, and I wouldn't have a hard time catching up my work.
I hate it, seriously, especially for my Additional Mathematics, what I've missed is a huge topic.
However, come to think of that, I wouldn't get to know my B, Hui Shi. =D
And because of her, I get to know someone, and it makes me miserable.

I shouldn't have lit up the glimpse of hope I had in me, shouldn't have.
I should have stayed out with all those false hopes, false signs.
That person, you are so disgusting.
I wonder why, but I have this feeling.
I am not blaming you, I am blaming myself.
I blame myself for putting in so much for this.
I blame myself for burying myself into this grave this early.
I blame myself for believe in you.
I blame myself for ****** you.

Sorry for this moody post, I am just...paranoid.
At this point of time, my mood is down at the bottom of the gorge.
Deep down, I am sad.
I may seem to be very happy on plurk, but I am just hiding myself.
I am just trying to make myself feel happy, to not care about those stupid things.
Fine, I shall end here, I have had enough.
Goodnight, goodbye. =(