空港

I've been listening to this song for awhile, and I want to learn this song.
Rather sad, but I like it.
Watch this music video, and understand the lyrics more.

I have this sudden feeling, well, it's not the first time.
I feel like leaving this place, for a year or so, tour around this world.
I want to go to places which are introduced in 明星志工隊, see what I can do to help.
Of course, with me alone, there's little thing I can do.
But, I really wish I can do something.

Leaving this place, also to keep my ears free from all those hypocrisy and stupidity of human beings.
Oh well, I know that they have to be like this in order to let them survive in this world.
However, I just don't get it.
Have they really got to go into such extend?
Well, these are none of my business.

Why do I dislike this place?
Seriously, not really because of the weather.
I'm sorry if I've offended you, but just how practical can you people be?
I don't like singers who have looks and don't even sing well.
Like some, which I don't wish to name, they can be called as artiste, but not singer.
I've met people who told me, they do not like A*mei, because of one stupid reason.
She is not pretty.
Oh well, if I cannot hold my fist well enough, their eyes will have dark circles till now.
Gosh, she is a singer, not a model.
What's more, a singer is suppose to be the one who can sing well.
What about you people, who only support those so-called singers because of their looks.
Darn, and when I listen to their songs, I felt awful because of their voice and techniques.
Marketing and publicity, recording companies don't care about how bad their voices are.
At least they've got the looks, they will attract supporters and customers, they don't care much.
Fancy letting those lyricists and composers, putting in their effort in creating a song.
Guess what, got trashed by those so-called singers who cannot even pitch well in a recording studio.
And, people here are blindly supporting them because of their looks.
Literally, if I can, I will give you my holy middle finger.

Don't ask me why am I so pissed, I wonder why too.
At this scorching hot weather, my mind is in confusion too.
I remembered, people commented me, because of my looks.
Well, I know that I am not pretty and not slim, but is that the correct reason to criticise me?
People are boring, people are naive, people are childish.
But it is not people all around the world, frantically speaking, it's people here.
Only people here will do such things, because of?
Well, 見不得人好,恨不得人死, that's their perception.
Sick of it, seriously.

Sorry, being emotional here.
If you not such kind of a person I mentioned above, don't care much about what I've said.
I am purely ranting, and I know there bound to have people starting commenting about me again.
Well, I see this coming.
I stand to my point of view.
If I don't have my own freedom to comment about what I feel in my blog, then what's the purpose of blog.
I am indifferent from everyone.
If everyone can blog whatever they feel, I can too.
I am also a human being, alright?
Stop shooting me with your rifles as if your bullet doesn't cost, you might get yourself hurt when something reflects your bullet.
I am a normal human being, so do you.
Peace yeah?
Goodbye people, stop those non constructive criticisms before anyone do this to you.

3 days

Well, as you all might know, I am sick.
Physically sick.
I was given 3 days Medical Certificate, thanks a lot.
Thanks to myself, falling ill at such crucial period.
Monday is my preparatory examinations, and there are still topics that I'm unsure of.
Alright, I shall just listen to what Mrs. Tan had told me, take it as it comes.
Anyway, it's not yet GCE Ordinary Level Examinations yet. =D

Oh well, I've been given 4 medications, kind of confuse.
2 flu medicines, 1 to take in the morning and 1 to take at night.
Gosh, I hope that I don't get mixed up and eventually got struck by different kinds of side effect.
3 days of Medical Certificate = more work to catch up.
Thanks a lot, really thanks a lot.
Though I needed a break, but I never said that I wanted THAT long.
Fine, I shall take it as it comes.

However, don't assume that 3 days of Medical Certificate means that I can rest at home.
There's no such thing called resting.
I have to clear some of my cupboards to let my tenant put her things.
I have to plan a wonderful birthday surprise for someone.
I have to revise my work at home.
So people, do you think that I am resting???
Hell no, I can't rest until everything's over.

Alright, I shall just end here.
Shall update when I'm free.
Goodbye people =D

Devastation

It's getting late, and I've just started using the computer.
Well, I slept from 1800-2200, I'm tired.
Have been paying attention from 0800-1615, this is hectic, it's tiresome.
I hoped that I can turn back the time, to not join the competition, and I wouldn't have a hard time catching up my work.
I hate it, seriously, especially for my Additional Mathematics, what I've missed is a huge topic.
However, come to think of that, I wouldn't get to know my B, Hui Shi. =D
And because of her, I get to know someone, and it makes me miserable.

I shouldn't have lit up the glimpse of hope I had in me, shouldn't have.
I should have stayed out with all those false hopes, false signs.
That person, you are so disgusting.
I wonder why, but I have this feeling.
I am not blaming you, I am blaming myself.
I blame myself for putting in so much for this.
I blame myself for burying myself into this grave this early.
I blame myself for believe in you.
I blame myself for ****** you.

Sorry for this moody post, I am just...paranoid.
At this point of time, my mood is down at the bottom of the gorge.
Deep down, I am sad.
I may seem to be very happy on plurk, but I am just hiding myself.
I am just trying to make myself feel happy, to not care about those stupid things.
Fine, I shall end here, I have had enough.
Goodnight, goodbye. =(

It's 4am now.

現在已是淩晨4點鐘，抱歉，我不是張智成。
有點冷，對不起。
不知怎的，我睡不着。
自己一個人在房間裏，對著電腦的熒幕發呆。

突然有點突發奇想，所以，便上來這裡更新部落格。
當我站在人群裏，看到成群結隊的人們，我發現我是孤獨的。
我發現，這世界是可怕的。
不認識你的人，也可以是你生命的絆腳石。
流言穢語，比真槍實彈來的可怕。
因爲，真槍實彈造成的傷害，是身理上的。
而流言穢語，是心靈上的。
身理的傷，能靠動手術、吃葯、做物理治療而痊愈。
然而，心靈上的創傷，並不是一朝一夕便能治愈的。
葯，雖能克制自己的情緒，但這只治標不治本。
當你漸漸把自己封閉起來時，沒有人能夠治得好你。
只有你，你有那把鑰匙，才能解開心鎖。

曾經有人告訴我這故事。
以前，有位嬌身慣養的大少爺。
他的脾氣非常暴躁，常拿僕人來出氣。
他的父親見了，十分擔憂。
他擔心兒子以後會過分心高氣傲，便想到了個法子。
他告訴兒子，每當他拿僕人出氣時，便在柱子上錠一口釘。
兒子聼了，便照作。
一個月后，父親讓兒子看看他錠了釘的柱子。
兒子說道，柱子上有那麽多釘子，非常之難看。
父親便說，如果兒子能夠沉得住氣，想發脾氣時能忍下，便能夠拿下一個釘子。
兒子聼了很高興，便每天努力的沉住氣。
日子久了，柱子上的釘子也漸漸減少。
終于到了某一天，兒子把最後一個釘子給摘了下來。
他很高興的告訴了父親，而父親卻對他說了這番話。
“雖然你把釘子都摘了下來，可柱子上還有那些釘痕不是嗎？
雖然你現在能夠把氣給沉住了，可是，之前你對他們的傷害已烙印在他們的心裏，不是嗎？”

這故事，真的一巴掌打醒了我這沉睡中的野人。
以前的我，只管把自己想說的直接表達。
不喜歡的事，馬上反應給別人知道。
我以爲，只要我說，他們就能夠明白道我不喜歡他們這樣做。
然而，並不是每個人能夠接受我的表達方式。
在這裡，我想對被我的快言快語所傷害的人，致上我深深的歉意。
原諒我的不善言辭，希望你們能夠原諒。
我知道，我對你們的傷害，並不是一句對不起就能抹掉的。
我，也不期望你們能原諒與諒解我。
我只想說的是，如今的我，就像蛹裏的蝴蝶，等待破繭而出。
期待我的蛻變，相信我的朋友們，還有看不起我的人。

支持我的朋友們，我愛你們，因爲你們，我才能屹立不倒，咬緊牙根撐下去。
看不起我的人，我更愛你們，因爲你們，我才了解到我並非那麽接近完美。
人不可能完美，但能接近完美，而我離接近完美還差一大截。
而我，會不斷的努力，不是要變成你們心目中接近完美的人物，而是要變成我心目中完美的靈魂。
畢竟，我的生命，是該由我來自己掌控。=D

這故事，不只是要提醒我，也是要提醒在電腦熒幕前的你，說話要有技巧。
現在的我，每天都會想，今天我是否用言語無心的傷害了人。
說話前，也試著把話説得圓些。
今天的你，是否無心地用言語傷害了人呢？

Memorable memories~

Hey people, sorry for not updating recently.
Well, have been going to school and things, pretty boring you see.
Since there's so little things to update, I might as well not update.
Anyway, had celebrated my Grandfather's birthday yesterday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I know he wouldn't be able to see my blog, and don't understand what am I saying, but I am saying it here.

Grandpa, sorry for being so wilful, so disrespectful towards you.
I know you mean well, you wanted me to study, singing will leave till I received my certificate.
You wanted me to study, and said things that are harsh to me.
As I set my priority to singing, you said that singing will destroy my future.
I am devastated, of course, as I think you do not know that music is my life.
Sorry for saying nasty things to you, to be so disrespectful.
Now that you've been contracted with Pakinson Disease, and there's nothing I can do for you.
I am remorseful of saying all these things to you, and I know that saying sorry doesn't wipe off the sins that I've done towards you.
I just hope that when you still have memories towards me, when you still do recognise me, I will be filial to you.
What I really hope is, to get good grades and get into good schools, to let you be proud of me.
Action speaks louder than words, I know, I have to do it.
So, I am putting in all my effort to study, to stay alert in class.
I want to stand on stage next year, during speech day, and say that I didn't let you down.
What's important, is that I want you to see me enjoy in the joy of success, and share it with you.
I will be your proud granddaughter, I want you to be proud of me.
I want you to tell your friends and relatives that, hey, Benita is my granddaughter.
She can sing and she gets into good school with good grades.
I hope that my words aren't like loud thunder but small drizzles.

Memories doesn't hold anything, but memories sure do help in our way in maturing.
Experiences, are part of our memories, are tools in helping us to smoothen our journey.
I want to write a new chapter of life, forgetting the past me.
However, forgetting doesn't mean that it didn't happen.
Hence, I will cherish the memories I've got, to allow me to not let myself regret.

Memories come with pictures, however, my photos are not yet done as some are kind of blur.
So, I will try to updoad it by tomorrow alright?
See you people, goodbye =D

Food

I can't go to sleep, so I shall post before I lie on my bed.
Anyway, I slept at 3 plus in the morning, I was busy pimping my calculator.
I didn't finish pimping it of course, so I went to bed.
Woke up at 2 plus in the afternoon to continue, and I am done with it.
I guess? I didn't buy enough crystals anyway.

Well, I should update about yesterday.
Yesterday was a bang, I LOVE YESTERDAY.
Went of with Sisterlovelovelove for shopping, and I bought a lot of things.
In total, I spent about 200 dollars, and that was a lot.
However, I still have my savings, so my financial wasn't affected.
Ate at Sakae Sushi with lovelove and Mum at Heartland Mall, then we headed over to Bugis.
Proceed to Arab Street and bought loads of crystals, I love crystals.
People think that I am crazy, but this is just the same as Hui Shi liking Leopard prints.
I love Crystals and Stars, they shine and sparkle.
I know that I am unable to shine, so I am pending my hope on Crystals and Stars.
This is just, a wish, I might say that.

So, after buying my crystals, went to Bugis Street.
Went to 2nd storey straightaway to a cosmetic shop, because lovelove's eyelash is coming off.
Bought eyelash glue, and she used it right away.
While I'm in the shop testing out perfume.
I WANT THAT DELICIOUS NIGHT Eau De Parfum.
Gosh, I am so into perfume, I like that smell.
Though it's a bit strong, because it's for night, but I like it.

A little bit of digression, let's carry on. =D
Headed over to a shop, and I bought 3 tank tops and a Tee.
In total, it costs 62 dollars.
Anyway, the crystals was 63 dollars.
Lovelove saw a vest that she liked, and she said she is going to buy it today.
I am not sure about that, because I was too tired to call and ask her.
Opps, I don't mean it. =p
We bought an over length tee with same design, different colour.
This is a bit crazy, but it's not the first time we are doing this.
We love each other so much, you know?!
10 dollars for that each.
Laughs, continue after digression again.

I bought a pair of shoe, checkered prints, I love it.
However, I didn't try it, because that was my size.
That was 22 dollars.
Bought 3 tube tops, 15 dollars in total.
So till now, it was 62+63+15+10+22=172 DOLLARS!

Headed over to Central @ Clarke Quay, walked around and sat down to have a drink at Yoshinoya.
Just a drink, because we are waiting to have KOREAN CUISINE for our dinner.
3 dollars for that drink, so one-fifty for each person.
Walked around, found nothing, so headed over to Korean restaurant.
Cabbed there at 7 dollars, but used NETS, so seven-thirty.
That makes three-sixty-five per person.
It's located at Mosque Street, opened by Korean couple.
Their food are delicious, a must try!
Ate Black Noodle, BBQ Pork Belly and Potato Pancake, total of $40.70.
However, they don't accept NETS, so I have to walk all the way to Chinatown Point to withdraw money.
My old shoe hurts my ankle much, so I changed my new shoe.
And guess what, it is so tight that I have to wear it like slippers.
Darn, I feel so retarded.
Shall continue tomorrow, I am tired already.

Goodnight people.
Sorry for this post, I feel bimbotic though.
However, this is a life of a shopaholic! =D

Enlightenment

Posting my mundane life, I would rather post my thoughts. =D
See my Plurk, I did said that my left knee hurts right?
My facebook did mention too right?
Alright, thing happens this way.

Yesterday, I went for my Physical Education and took National Physical Fitness Assessment (NAPFA) test.
Did Inclined Pull-Up and Sit and Reach, got quite a good result but not my standard.
Well, my stamina dropped, blame me. =(
Anyway, when I was doing my Shuttle Run, running for second lapse, I lost my balance and fell.
Face facing the floor, I was lucky enough that I can see and hear properly as in the past, I couldn't see a thing nor hear a thing when I fall.
However, my right palm and left knee was injured.
My right palm was numb and swollen, I could feel nothing when I press my palm.
My left knee was bleeding, was feeling alright at first, but painful afterward.

Anyway, this was just a brief story of yesterday's happening.
Went for one to one Geography supplementary with Miss Chua, and I would like to say, you enlightened me real much.
I had queries about life and friendship, and she told me things like that.

"Not because of my popularity, not because of what I've done, not because of my background, but because of me, they are my friends."

Indeed, true friends are like that, and I am glad that I've got a few of friends who treated me truly not because of anything but me.
I do question, why do people don't understand me?
This is what she told me,

"Because you are afraid of getting hurt, you create a wall, an invisible wall that keeps you away from your classmates and people around you. When they (classmates) wanted to get close to you, you often create that wall that makes them keep away from you. Cynical, you often think things very negatively, you are too strict and stern. Therefore, a lot of people keep away from you."

Yes, I am cynical, I am like Dill in To Kill A Mockingbird who often think things negatively.
I wonder why, but I am not as open as anyone.
Because I'm afraid of getting hurt, I create a barrier to protect myself and due to this, I am often unhappy.
I don't get it, before talking to Miss Chua, why should we take life that easily when life is that short.
Guess what she told me?
She said that it is because life is short, we have to take things lightly to be happy, to enjoy through this short life.
It's like a knock at my head, I woke up.
Really, it makes sense.
Having a sad and unhappy short life, why not live your life happily and not to regret that you are always happy.
Right?

Thanks a lot Miss Chua, you are great, seriously.
Enlightenment, my life is brighter now.
Lights are lit up, and I am brave enough to face all challenges.
"No one is able to mock you except for yourself"
I will remember this, no one will be able to mock me, unless me myself feels sad about the mockery made by people.
Thanks a lot.

This post is also for my SISTERLOVE, I am now having a crazy chat with her.
We will live our life happily, no matter what thing struck our life.
There are so many happy things waiting for us to encounter, why dwell over sad matter?
Right?
Anyway, I JUST CAN'T WAIT FOR SATURDAY TO COME!
WE ARE GOING TO SHOP TILL WE DROP, EAT KOREAN CUISINE AND SHE IS GOING TO STAY OVER AT MY HOUSE.
ISN'T THIS CRAZY???
Laughs, I am crazy and hyper active now.
Pardon me, when I started doing things, like at earlier time, I am packing up my room, I have more energy for other things.
Weird, but this is me.
I am happy to be me, alright?

Okay, got to go.
Goodnight people, stay happy always! =D
Everyday is a brand new day and beautiful day.
B-E-A-utiful~

Thoughts

Dance like Nobody's watching
Love like You've never been hurt
Sing like No One is listening
Work like You don't need the money
Live life everyday as if it were Your last

-Father Alfred D'Souza

This is a scene shown at the last episode in 'My Lovely Samsoon', when Samsoon felt lost in life as HyunBin hasn't been contacting her for months.
It gives me lots of time for thinking, isn't this what I've been doing for my life?
I always sing my hearts out, I seldom care much whether anyone is listening.
I used to study much, as what I need is knowledge and not certificate.
I've been trying to live my life to the fruitiest, as I know life is short, I don't want to leave this world having a day of regret.
I still dance, even though people laugh at me as I have not been dancing for years, my physio is stiff.

Isn't this what I've been thinking?
This has always been what I think, whenever I do things.
However, it isn't that easy.
No matter how I wished I can be like what Father Alfred said, but I really want people to pay attention when I sing.
I really hoped that people would appreciate the effort I put in for dance, and give me an applause when I finish dancing.

Uncountable "How I wished..."
However, life just doesn't come at your wish, it's just near to impossible.
It does happen, however, but just that little.
A lot of singer doesn't have much chance to shine on stage, like how they deserve.
They have fine voices, however, lady luck just doesn't give them a chance.
Pathetic, pity?

Nope, they still sing, even though they are not as popular.
戴愛玲,羅美玲, they have beautiful voices, but just not as recognised.
Life is like this, You can be good, but You just need luck to let You shine at what You are good at.
Helpless, but what can they do?
Do like what Father Alfred said, Sing like No One is listening.
They are brave, I respect them.
I wished to be like them.

However, things doesn't only consist of whether You wish or not.
It also means whether You want or not.
And, do You have the ability to do so.
When You want and have the ability, it also matters when You are determined or not.
Things goes in cycle, unchangeable.

Sigh, that goes beyond saying.
Well, I should sleep and not think about this as I really feel myself kind of useless.
I am unable to control the situation, as I am just a normal person.
Alright, go off now.
Goodnight.

School life, no concentration!

I mentioned in my PLURK that I have been smiling to myself since Friday night.
Alright, I really find myself weird, I wanted to control myself but unable to.
Today, I have been screaming and whining in class, and my classmates kept laughing at my comedic act.
Sorry Tongyy and PeiWen, must have scared you two out right?
I tried to control already, and I am sure I can control in few days time.
Feelings can be changed with sheer force effort, I learned it in MY GIRL. =D
Sorry that you two still have to endure for another few more days, my apologies. =x

Someone text-ed me when I am at home, I wonder how he/she finds out about my schedule.
Anyway, he/she is worried whether am I concentrating on studies today, and I am proud to say, I DID! =D
Hasn't been concentrating on last week, because too many things came one at a go.
It's rather too much for me to handle, and partly is because of someone.
He/she said that he/she saw me in such plight, gives him/her heartache.
Sorry my dear, I am alright now, because of you! =D

You made my day, and kept me smiling to myself since Friday.
Even my MUM asked, 'Someone came back, and you are that happy huh?'
Gosh, she always teases me, but I still love her, though I do not know how to express myself well enough.
This made me often making her angry, and I am truly sorry about.
I failed to be a responsible daughter that will make you proud for these 4 years, but rest assure that I will be a passable one from now.
You have my words, and I love you, MUM.

Oh well, why no concentration?
I am concentrating less on Chemistry, I am concentrating much on Literature.
It's better to ensure at least a pass for Literature for the time being, then start to excel everything slowly and all at go.
Can I make it? Let's see alright? =D

I shall make a move now, though I am not that tired because I had a long afternoon nap.
My visions are not really clear as I slept too much.
I am rather bored, because someone just went off without telling me beforehand.
Well, I understand why he/she go off, so I'm okay with it. =D
Alright, leaving now.
Goodbye and goodnight people! =D

I admit defeat.

I've lost, lost in the war of battling against my health.
Damn it, I am really feeling giddy and nauseous.
I've really trying my very best to keep myself healthy, but I am just so easily fall sick.
Stupid me, why????!!!!
Well, I admit defeat, really.
Gosh, from now on, I have to eat healthily, true healthy.
However, I have no appetite recently, unsure of the reason to it.
I am afraid that I am having Anorexia, symptoms hit on.
Should I consult a doctor?
But I am afraid of eating loads of medicine and psychology consultation.
What should I do?

BE STRONG, BENITA!!!
FIGHTING! =D

Well, to be truthful, I think I am really in lunacy.
I have been smiling to myself, since Friday.
Mum knows what happened, and she saw my smiling all day long.
She asked me, "Are you really that happy that Someone came back?"
Gosh, isn't this obvious?
Of course I'm happy, my emotions have been going up and down.
Hence, I am not sure how am I feeling now.
Contradicting, I know.

Should really consult a psychiatrist right?
Crazy indeed.
I admit defeat to myself, I've lost.
I shall go off now, before spouting much nonsense here.
Goodbye people. =D

I'm bad! but I don't have the courage to change it.

Sorry for not updating, been through a serious traumatic mindset changing.
Oh well, there's nothing I can do to change people's mind.
Anyway, it's my life, I am the one who's leading it.
As long as I have my conscience clear, it's enough.
One day, everything will die down.
Even if it drags till 10 years later, and anyone still rake up this matter, I will still stand to my point.
I will not panic, because I know what I did. =D

Thanks for my dear friends who are with me.
And yesterday, it's the best day ever.
Before going out, I am still dwelling over stupid matter, and I had a chat with Chian Deardear on the phone in the bus.
It's because someone asked his friend to pass me something, hence headed to White Sands.
Everything was alright, when I was talking to Deardear.
Suddenly, a person stood beside me.
Tall and skinny person, smiling at me.
When I took a closer look, is that someone.
I was in total shock, I can't believe my eyes.
Turned to the other side, and turned back to look again.
Yes, it's that someone.
My emotion has reached the top, I started crying and laughing.
Hence, I told Deardear that I would call her back later, which I didn't.
Sorry Deardear, I have to talk to that someone, hope you understand, and I know you do. =D

Chatted with that someone, well, didn't say much.
I do not know what to say actually, I am in the mist of confusion.
Bought my ear piece, same as that someone.
Well, not in deliberation, but that's the best I've seen so far.
So, I bought it.
That someone sent me home, thanks a lot. =D
Gave that someone things that I wanted to give, hope he/she likes it. =D=D=D
Must go out together alright? Though I don't know whether he/she reads my blog or not.
Nevertheless, glad that you came back. =D

Today, my shopping trip has been canceled as Sisterlove is not feeling well.
Gosh, must drink more warm water alright?
Don't wander around for too long and too far, I am afraid you are unable to stand straight again.
Postponed to next week, and I still want my KOREAN CUISINE.
Must remember alright? =D
Take care! And I LOVE YOU!
Don't think about it, care for yourself more alright?
Man doesn't lead your life, you are the one! Don't let him control whole of your life! =D

I am now watching Michael Jackson's 'Moonwalker'.
It's hilarious and nice, I love seeing him dance.
I LOVE YOU, MICHAEL!

Well, it's pretty obvious that my post isn't like mine, but I'm posting how am I feeling now.
I am over the moon, and I am alright. =D
I haven't been that happy for long, and it's time for me to be happy.
Happiness is the force for me to strive hard and study smart. =D

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Anyway, regarding my post of announcement, I didn't mention any name.
Do not judge by your own, it's my matter, thanks a lot. =D
If you don't know who am I referring to, ask me personally.
If you think it's you, let it be.
However, don't guess it in your own way, sometimes things do not turn out to be how you thought.
If YOU think that I am referring to YOU, I certainly did not as a lot of people told me that it's another person.
When YOU claim that I faked a smile in front of YOU, and that's the reason why HE doesn't want me as a friend, so I presumed that YOU are a part of this matter.
Right?
If not, tell me that YOU're not.

I am like that, I dare to say this.
Sorry for being harsh, because I am bad.
I do not know how to make friends, because I know that I am not good at speech.
What can I do? Keep quiet and sit at a corner by myself.
It's not that I don't want to make friends, but, I just don't know how to take the initiative to do so.
Hence, I would always got mistaken by people.
I have a choice to change it, but I don't have the courage.

Sorry for being so contradicting of the mood in this post.
I have to say what I want to say, and I'm done with it.

P.S, I changed my attitude towards you, it's because I have this intuition that you dislike me.
If you didn't, tell me so. Thanks. =D

P.P.S, thanks a person who likes my character as my character is not too acceptable in other's eyes. Thanks. =D

Sorry~

Sorry for not updating.
My mood's not right, my health's no good too.
I can't think of anything, and I am so deadly.
Sorry people, goodnight.

Anyway, I will be on hiatus after 31st July until 11th November (end of my O level).
I've really got to study, and my studying starts on my preparatory paper (31st July) .
Hence, little updates will appear, as sometimes, I need a break and will come to blogger and update.
Please do forgive, thanks. =D
Goodbye! =D
Good luck for people having Mother Tongue O Level Oral, just talk, talk more doesn't lose too many marks. =D

Feeling down~

Well, wonder why I have yet to sleep at late night?
I will tell you now, my mood is rather bad.
Something's happening, I can't control my emotion.
This seriously is a damn, I hate it.
If distance is a problem, if religion is one thing that is so important, try to solve it!
Making me miserable, what a person.

Anyway, I will drop the idea of updating the blog post titled 'Respect' today.
My mood will dampen the whole post, so I would rather not update and say something nasty. =D

I want to shop, who's available anyway?
Dial me alright? =D
I really want to go for a shop and forget all my unhappiness.
I have a list of things to shop, here it goes:
1. All colours of tube top.
2. All colours of tank top.
3. Gold/Purple heels for prom night.
4. Diamond/Pink/Black Crystals at Arab street.
5. 200 pieces Crystals Set at Central.
6. A*mit Album ( Zhang Hui Mei )
7. 小宇's newest Album
8. New school bag
9. New Pencil case
10. More tops and bottoms.

I think, that's all for now.
I have more in the list, but I've forgotten.
It's a lot and kind of mundane, because it's all about shopping and money.
I need money, I really need money.
I want money to shop, and travel.
I need courage to leave this country, leave away from this full of sarcasm and nonconstructive country.

All right, end here.
Goodbye people.
What a stupid world~

Smelly midnight~

I am wide awake now, something's bothering me.
Am watching MY GIRL now, it's funny, though it's an old drama.
Well, it fits me best as my mood is totally in a mess.
It made me laugh my hearts out big time, kudos for this drama. ^^

Anyway, it's so smelly now.
I wonder how the smell comes about, it's so strong.
The smell of cigarette is really stinky, I can't take it.
Fancy them smoking at this late night, are they that stressed up?

I admit, I don't like smokers.
I don't understand why they like to smoke.
I do understand that different people have different habit, but why smoke?
Cigarette has more than 1000s of chemical, that most of them harm our body.
Why smoke?
I know it's not because they think that it's the coolest thing to do.
Smoking's definitely not going any closer with the word 'COOL'.

Fine, it's not my business anyway.
I shall end here now, goodbye people.

Respect

People who asked for my Msn have encountered this before, I don't give it to them.
Well, all of them understood why I don't give them, as I told them.
They are not yet my friend, and Msn is for friends.

What is the definition of friends?
For me, I would want a friend to tell me right at my face when I did something wrong, and not keep quiet to things that I've done wrongly.
Understands me, know why I did things that I are rather extreme and go by law.
I star at my friends when they litter, I will be unhappy with them when they smoke.
Reason being, they are doing things that are breaking the law.
I don't want them to leave any record, I want them clean. =D

However, people whom I don't know them in person, they are not my friends.
So what if I know them in person, I might not understand them.
And, some so called friends will betray you and do things behind your back.
So, who are your true friends? No one knows.
Say that I am over protective or whatsoever, I am please with my situation now.
I know my friends, and they don't do things behind my back. =D

Back to the topic, respect.
I've encountered people not asking me, and tell others my Msn or even phone number.
Guess how I treated them?
I asked them immediately, how did they get hold of my Msn.
Some do not wish to say, and the next step for me to do, is to block them or remove from my friends list.
Wonder why I used such extreme way?
Reason being, they do not know how to respect people.
It's our privacy, one of the most personal thing that is not good to be revealed.
It doesn't mean that when people add me, saying that they support me, I will be happy.
I don't want fame, fame is nothing for me.
I am a girl, who purely loves singing.
I join Campus Superstar Competition, is just to sing, to let the people in Singapore listen to the songs I sang.
Just that simple, nothing else more.
I just want to lead a simple life at this moment, nothing else more.

I am also infuriated by people who gives out my Msn or even phone number without asking me.
Have you ever respect me?
Well, I am sure that I don't give others my friends' phone number without asking.
I do not know if they wanted their phone number to be known by other people, so I will ask.
But that doesn't goes to me, people leak out my phone number and Msn without asking me.
How respectful can they be?
=(=(=(=(=(

Shall continue my post tomorrow, I am distracted. =x
Sorry, and goodnight people.

10th year Anniversary + Announcement

I'm back from Pasir Ris Crest Secondary School's 10th year anniversary dinner.
Well, there's only one word to describe, BORED!
Actually, I should encourage them and praise them for their rehearsals done.
However, please do something about the food!
The food is actually not up to standard, gravy given was such a miser.
But, the video clip made was a WOW, it's like some big project or commercial.
Was eating well, until a person told me something, hence, I am making my announcement now.

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To whom it may concern, your action really ridiculed me.
People who know me knew it long time ago, I treat everyone truthfully and I am true to myself.
I would never think of ways to back stab my friends, never.
I don't gossip, I don't back stab.
I would only state the truth, say things that are proven with evidence, and when I am unhappy with anyone's action, I will say it right in front of them.
When my friends listen to anyone who said untrue rumours about me, and they believed it, I wouldn't only blame the person who said those stuffs.
And also, I will blame friends of mine.
I will questioned the person, why he/she wants to say such things about me when I didn't do anything in particular to harm you or whatsoever.
I will also be really sad that my friends actually listen to others, and not asking me whether is it real or not.
Remember, I am Benita Cheng who will admit everything that I've done, and my conscience is clear.

Regarding YiYuan and I, the whole thing is suppose to be this way.
This will be my last time explaining, and all rumours should stop after this.
During the pre-opening concert, I merely asked Xiao Han Lao Shi how's my performance.
She told me that my voice is solid, and his voice is virtual.
This will result in my voice covering his voice.
Well, I agreed with Xiao Han Lao Shi that his voice is virtual, but I certainly did not say that his singing is not up to standard.
Hello?! Mind you?! Please say something with prove.
Have you heard me saying anything regarding YiYuan's singing is not up to standard.
Virtual doesn't mean not good, A Do has virtual voice too, but it's not not up to standard right?
It's their special point on them, that may make them shine on stage, with trainings and songs to bring out their vocal.
Definitely not sucking up to them, but that's how I feel.

To that person who spreads this, I am seriously worried about you.
I am worried that retribution will fall upon you.
It's karma, you know?
Using such unscrupulous method, to make me lose my friends and supporters, don't you feel sorry?
Well, I can don't mind about losing friends or supporters, because I know if I am real, and I live up to my name, they will come back eventually.
However, my friend, what I mind is you.
You are still young, bright future, and if your future is in vain, because of your character, wouldn't it be a waste?
So, if you know that I am referring to you, stop all your doings.
I don't mind if you don't treat me as a friend, because I treat you as one, and that's good enough.
I believed everyone is good in nature, believe that you can do it. =D

Love you, friends who believed me and have faith in me.
Despite lots of untrue rumours spreading around, you all defended me.
Friendship consist with trust and memories, and all these keeps friendship going.
Hence, I have a lot of great friends believing in me.
People spreading rumours, and they are shocked why I have lots of friend with me.
The reason lies with a word, trust.
They trusted me, they believed I never done that.
When I am straightforward to them, they never blamed me, as they know this is me, and I am doing for their own good.
With these, people out there who dislike me because of untrue rumours, do you still believe what people say?

I am not some ridiculous bitch who will act in front of anyone, I am just that true to myself and others.
Ask my friends, the first thing that what they will say, is me being real.
Read my post tomorrow, and you will know what I mean.
Goodnight people, sweet dreams.

If I can turn the time faster~

Sorry for the late update, have been rushing through homework and feeling sick.
I really hate being sick.
From the start of the year, I've been sick for umpteenth times.
This is bad, really bad. =(

Anyway, after much considerations, I've decided to attend my school's 10th year anniversary dinner.
However, there's a problem now, I hate to wear dress and I have to!
AH! I am so stressed up.
Moreover, I am still as fat as ever, DANG!
It's better to let people focus on my make up, so please people, look at my make up will do.
Alright? =D
I should be taking photos and posting it, shall decide after the dinner's over.

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I really hoped that time can turn faster, O Level will end faster and I can do my things that I've been unclear with.
I want to clear things up, I want to confirm things.
I have a lot to say, I hope everything will turn out as planned and promised.
I am a person who little breaks promises, I hope no one will break promises made to me.
7 years is the minimum limit, and once proved that 7 years is not a problem, I am officially unavailable.
I believed in long lasting, I yearned for it.
Long lasting things means everything, provided We have the time and money.
My dear, have you heard me?
I believed We have the indescribable Tacit Understanding that keeps us moving for the future.
The sense of Deja Vu, made me think that it's fate.
Let this fate continues for eternity, alright? =D
Je T'aime, Moi Dear~

Alright, I shall go and exercise for tomorrow. =D
Goodbye!